i am the first cup of coffee in the morning, herbal essences dramaclean shampoo and volumnizing conditioner. i am camping under the stars, playing catch in the backyard, coloring in the lines, and a guitar hero rockstar! i am jergens original scent lotion and love-spell body spray. i am a sister, a daughter, a friend, loyal, compassionate, silly. i am a believer in happy endings, in family, in magic. i am a magazine junky, a collector of hats funky jewelry and scarves. i am passionate, unique, and dedicated. i am a maker of lists, an active voter, a member of the democratic party. i am short fingernails and bright polish, jeans and t-shirts. i am never caught dead in high heels, but fancy shoes quite a bit. i am a player of scrabble, cards, and yahtzee. i am glasses, short hair with brown roots and soon to be blonde highlights. i am reality tv, the History channel and soaps. i am blessed, i am spiritual. i am emotional, i am jaded, i am shy, i am chatty, i am protective. i am a reader, a writer, a crafter, a procrastinator and a folder of laundry who never quite gets it all put away. i am a dreamer, i am music and light. i am pink, i am strong. i am a fan of chocolate chip cookie dough, of twinkle lights, of summers at the lake. i am original. i am forever buying new lipgloss, new journals, new pens, new purses. i am sparkle flip-flops and glitter.

High/Low

High: Spending the weekend with my sister and mom
Low: Leaving
High: A weekend of crafting
Low: Finishing the last project ending our great run
High: My newly modgepodged initials hanging in my room
Low: A quiet apartment
High: Scrabble with my sissy and mom
Low: Rove, Prove
High: That huge fireball in the sky (aka the sun) who's been hiding since October
Low: Only two days of summer weather and rain tomorrow
High: Mini golf and 80* saturday afternoons
Low: My lame golf game
High: Finally posting something on this blog again
Low: Months of catch up await....

Birthday Girl~

I remember it like it was last night. And I'm absolutely stunned it's already one year later. How did we already cram one year of life into these last few blinks of an eye? It's been so amazing, such a gift to be part of her world for not only her first year, but her first 21 months as I got to be lucky enough to experience the cycle from the moment The X's knew they'd be a mom and dad to #3! And I suspect the year has crept up on me like it did because of the tremendous way it started.

It was a cold dark February 27th and I was done with work for the day. It had been a crappy day and I was feeling cranky and irritated. As I packed up and headed to my car I did a very uncharacteristic thing. I turned off my cell phone--okay to silent, baby steps--and drove. And drove. I was in a mood and didn't want to speak with anybody about anything. Me being me, the phone was only absent from my aura for about an hour before I had to check in with reality.

5 missed calls! 5 missed calls from (a 9-months prego) Mrs X. I called her back as fast as humanly possible the whole time my mind racing with it'stimeit'stimeit'stime.... It was not time. It was a carmergency, hers being deaddeaddead in the parking lot of Costco with two little kids in their car-seats scared because it was cold and dark, and they knew mom couldn't fix this and make it better. At least not on her own. Oh and they were hungry. Figures. So I zipped over to Costco as fast as I could...(of course tonight had to be the night I was driving aimlessly taking me further from my own hood than I routinely go.) And in my maniac attempt to get there faster I take a short cut. Go on universe, laugh away.

RIIINNNNGGGG. As I'm recklessly driving my cell phone rings again and it's the man who's delivering my new $50 couch--hello buddy, today is Tuesday, Tuesday!! Remember when we set up the couch delivery for Wednesday! That's right, I do. Today is not that day, and what do you mean you are sitting in the parking lot of my apartment right now? Shit. Shit. I'll be there as soon as I can.

Costco. Check. Black Denali. Check. Swap car-seats into my car. Check. Grab kids. Check. Drive to apartment fast fast fast. Check. Hello delivery man--what do you mean, help you haul this couch up to my third floor apartment with these two kids in tow?!? Are you crazy, there was supposed to be two of you doing this, thus half of the appeal of the $50 couch with free delivery. Fuck this is heavy. Why did I choose the third floor? And no there is no room to really put this thing once I get it up here as that's what I was planning to do tonight, the night before you were supposed to be here. Fuck. Just set it anywhere I've got kids to feed man.

Rotisserie Chicken. Check. Greenbeans. Check. Jello. Check. Quite a dinner, but I was impressed on such short notice I had anything to feed anyone, let alone these kids. Fed kids. Check. RIIINNNGGGGG. Mom got a ride home. Car's future unknown. Kids can come home now. Pack up, head out. Driving again....wait, what's that. Is that a truck off the side of the road? This doesn't look like some highschoolers getting lucky or hot-boxin. This doesn't look like the truck went there on purpose. Shit. Shit. Shit.

9-1-1. Hello, yeah, I think I've just driven by an accident. No I didn't stop. Well, because I've already had a hell of a day, I've got these two kids here, and oh yeah, I pass out at the sight of blood/carnage. Can you just send someone to check it out? Okay. Well you don't know that street...Between Argonne and Market, right off market under the train bridge, stop at headlights in the woods.

Drop kids off. Drive home. What is that ambulance, firetrucks, cops.... Yes, it was an accident. Crazy. Get home. Sit on new couch. Breathe. Realize you only got off work 3 hours ago, and hell it's been quite a day. Breathe. Time for bed.

RIIIINNGGGG. Check clock. 1:27 am. IT'STIMEIT'STIMEIT'STIME. Think. Answer phone. Water broke. It'stimeit'stimeit'stime. Get clothes. Get in car. Shit, it's snowing!! The drive to Mrs. X's was insane and I remember nothing except feeling butterflies and knowing today was the day we'd be welcoming a new life. And that holy crap it's snowing and I'm driving way faster than I normally do in this kind of weather. Mr. X isn't even home, he's still working and wait, he's going to miss this. Mrs. X doesn't even have a car....she can't possibly be driving herself in my car...is she driving herself? I begin to panic....

Mrs X is very calm and had actually been on the treadmill at 1 am just doing a little walking when oh did I just pee my pants all over this treadmill or is it time to have a baby? She is never calm in real life and now before she's about to push a child out of her body it's rhythmic breathing and happy thoughts. Go figure. Her ride is on the way.

I couldn't sleep I was so excited. So excited I got to be the one to tell a sleepy J and N when they woke that "It was time! Mommy is at the hospital and she's going to have the baby" and get to see their faces when it clicked in for them. And I got to do all those really special things like clean house in preparation of baby, bake muffins to have on hand, shovel all the damn snow that fell last night in preparation of all the guests that will be arriving.

RRRRIIIINNNGGGG. At 11:37 am I received a text message. A pix message. With a screaming baby girl looking at me. My heart just melted. And it's never been the same.

Laurynn and I are BFF for sure. In those first early months I got to hold her and change her tiny little diapers and just love on her. And now that's she so grown up we've brough our friendship to a whole new level. Aside from her mother, and occasionally her father, she loves me. When I walk in the door each morning she comes scooting over to me, stands up and pulls at my hands until I pick her up. Everytime she comes down to the office she makes a beeline to see me and crawl all over me and occastionally give me one of her little incredible hugs.

That heart melting thing...oh it's still going on strong :)

Twenty One~

Happy Birthday Geoff!!!

“Far too many people are trying to find the right person instead of trying to be the right person” – Unknown

Queen of Hearts

This morning on the radio they were talking about kids thoughts on love. One 6 year old said he's been trying to run away from love since he was 5, but the girls just keep finding him. I've heard the one before by a 4 year old that you know love because when someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.

Talk about awwww factor! Obviously today is love day, and to celebrate here's a list of some of the things/moments I love most....

Sitting around a campfire with family and friends roasting marshmallows and making s'mores. A child's giggle/belly laugh. Rain. Cookies in the oven. Driving with the windows down. Running through sprinklers. Pajamas. Gin Rummy. Margaritas. Coffee. Lazy days watching movies/tv. Peanut Butter. Celebrations. Dance Parties (especially with J & N). Pink flowers. Prayer. Sidewalk chalk. Reading. Rocking a baby to sleep. Red wine. Charlie Brown. Country Music. Priest Lake. Hanging out with my brother and my sister. Cupcakes. BBQ's. Sundays. Snow angels. Candles.

Happy Valentine's Day

Fairytale Part II

"I'd rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming..." Fairytale, Sara Bareillis

This song's rapid movement up my most-recently-played playlist has got me thinking. I mean, it's got me singing and thinking so I think that deserves a little more reflection. Plus...tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and if I'm not counting people under the age of 5, I'll be spending it alone. I'm happy about it. Er---happy, no. I'm fine with it. No, I'm content with that.

I don't think I've ever had a real life true blue valentine. Being pathalogically single that happens. Sure there were some hits and misses but I always seemed to chose the type of guy who checks a calender and ups a break-up if necessary. But the real issue is that I'm so aware of all the failed relationships out there. Everyone who I am close with offers little tidbits of wisdom, little "if I'd've knowns...you're lucky, you're still single...marraige isn't all it's cracked up to be..."

So I'm a little gun shy. Not to say it's not without good reason, very good reason. But still...there are times I get caught up in the fairytale of it all. That someday it will all fall into place and I'll spend ever after very happily. But that's highly unlikely. Call me jaded, call me a cynic, and that's well, pretty fucking acurate. I guess I'm just at the point where I don't think it exists.

I don't want to settle for anything less than the fairytale. Or my own version of the fairytale...

I want real I-feel-dizzy-love, someone who loves loves me just as much as I love him. Someone who knows I'm fiercely independent, but when it comes to a spider or a strange sound, I don't want to be the one investigating anything. Someone who can fit into my family, go camping, sleeping in tents, without showers for a week. Someone who will play gin rummy with me until 3 o'clock in the morning and never ever let me win. Someone who will make me feel safe and protected and know that I will always have someone in my corner. Someone who will fight for what he believes in, even if that means fighting with me. Someone who will call me on my bullshit and do it tactfully without bringing up everything that is wrong with me. Someone who is up for quiet nights at home, but also is up for going out, going somewhere together. Someone who loves March Madness as much as I do, and understands its never funny when my team loses. Ever. Someone who understands I don't cook often so when I do, appreciation is nice. Someone who is honest. Someone who likes to BBQ. Someone who can change the oil in my car and make sure my tire pressure is what tire pressure should be. Someone who will make me laugh. Someone who will listen to my dorky rants about history and pretend it's interesting. Someone who's perfect day is complete when he comes home to me. Someone who makes my perfect day complete by coming home to him.

"So I sing and hold my head down and I break these walls round me."

The Gauntlet III

Holy Crap! The Gauntlet's Back!! How did I miss this??

In my quest searching for quality entertainment I stumbled over to MTV hoping that maybe, maybe it wouldn't be more reruns of Run's House or America's Next Top Model. It wasn't.

It was the Greatest. Reality. Show. Ever. I love the veterans vs. rookies because as we all know the veterans could easily win...if not for all the drama!

Thank God for OnDemand so I could catch up on everything I missed in the first episode--which was a lot of hooking up and making out. And now I can rest easy with my DVR set to record any and all future episodes.

It is a happy day indeed.

Love, Actually

A little post about love love love in honor of the big day Thursday. Now as a lady who finds herself habitually single I have a couple of options when it comes to celebrating St. Valentine.

As I'm not in elementary school I can forget making up a bunch of My Little Pony valentines and handing them out to all the boys and girls in my class. I can (luckily) forget the high school years where I put on a good show of not caring at all about this stupid holiday created by Hallmark and Russel Stover, but secretly hoping something magical would happen like it did in the movies. As I'm single, I can forget about getting all dressed up and going out to some fabulous restaurant.

I'm single. I'm not dead.

Somewhere in the rocky college years I developed a new appreciation for Valentine's Day. After all it's a holiday. I'm still me. Let's not forget my first true love which is celebrations. So why discriminate? Love doesn't have to be romantic. Valentine's Day is not reduced to couples. Let's bring on the love. Bring on the hearts and flowers and pink!

Back in 2005--the year that changed everything--my sister and I came up with a fantastic idea. We'd celebrate together. We'd do champagne and brunch together. We'd buy each other gifts which is a double bonus because we have just as much fun shopping for each other as we do receiving gifts from each other. The day was going to be perfect. Until.

Until the day that changed my life. Seriously. I didn't realize it then but my whole life was changing. I had let my Crazy take over in an effort to have the magic? To get the guy? (That only happens in the movies anyway--that kind of magic isn't real.) No guy was worth that, especially not this world class a-hole. But I learned something else that night. Even my friends let me down. I crashed and burned and nobody cared enough to help me.

I spend the next day--Valentine's Day--hung over and embarrassed. Not sure of what I had done the night before. I was lost and alone. Two of my closest friends complained about how depressing it was to be alone on Valentine's Day. Depressing? It's funny now, to look back. It was so obviously clear our friendship wouldn't survive that. Couldn't survive that. Depressing? Yeah, I had an idea what that was. It was waking up in your bed not sure how you got there. Not remembering what you did the night before. Knowing you were hurt and angry and could have easily done something, someone simply because you felt empty and alone. Knowing your friend walked away, drove your car away and left you there.

Depressing is hitting rock bottom. Not being single on Valentine's Day.

So that's how it turned around for me. From then on I realized how lucky I was to celebrate those in my life I love. To take a minute and say it, even if it's silly and you say it with flowers or some monkey balloon. I may be single, but there are plenty of people in my life who I love--truly, madly, deeply, love.

There are plenty of reasons to celebrate this Valentine's Day.

Ash Wednesday~

So begins Lent and our time of repentance.

When I was younger I remember Lent because two of my friends went to a Lutheran Church so around this time they'd come to school with tales of giving up chocolate, bubble gum and soda. I always joined in on the fun, but it was never a lifestyle change for me. It'd last a day or two, maybe even a week. But then it ended. Because it was just about belonging, about being included in a superficial way.

Now years later I know what Lent really is and it has a profound impact on my life. To repent is to acknowledge a wrong and ask for forgiveness. I'm talking down on my knees asking God to forgive me of my sins. To say it's not easy is an understatement. It's humbling standing before a judge, who gave me everything of Himself, who gives me every chance, and who loves me more than I'm capable of understanding. Yet I stand there full of sorrow and ask for absolution and wait because I know I don't deserve that kind of love, that kind of forgiveness. It's a radical experience, the journey you take in that process the New Testament translates as a change of mind and heart or a change of consciousness.

It was at Whitworth when I really learned what Lent was about. Really learned, and lived it. The first time I wanted to live it. The years at Whitworth were the hardest years of my life. I was trying to balance life on my own, figuring out who I was, discovering what spirituality meant to me, and how I wanted my life to reflect that. It looked so easy. To become part of a church family, to love God and live for Him. To have a relationship with JC and put that first.

Ha ha...right? But it's a journey worth taking. It's worth questioning, doubting, worrying, failing, and growing. Because if I learned anything from Whitworth and Jerry Sittser, it's this little thing called Grace. I won't be going to church tonight, and I won't have the ash on my forehead.

But as for the rest of it I'm all in.

SUPER. FAT. TUESDAY.

It's with much anticipation that I sat down in front of my tv, turned on CNN and watched. And watched. And watched. I couldn't get enough. This is event tv at it's best. And I had Anderson Cooper and George Stephanopoulos along for the ride.

The debocle that was the elections of 2004 turned my political zest into political dust in the aftermath of defeat with a side of defeat. What I remember about November 9, 2004 is sitting in front of the tv in sweats not able to move, let alone leave the apartment, drive to campus and take a midterm. So I stayed and watched. Took a Zero. Slipped into the beginning of the end. My faith in the American people shrunk like a deflated balloon leftover from the Kerry campaign. I lost my passion to be active in the process, my desire to teach America's youth. My appetite for history and politics was no more.

But with this political season upon us, with a real opportunity for change I'm back in the game. We're making history here regardless of how the democratic ticket comes out. Although I'm personally hoping for the Dream Team that could be, the Clinton--Obama ticket.

In honor of both Fat Tuesday and Super Tuesday I continued to watch Anderson Cooper, cracked open a beer and let myself be carried away by a feeling of hopefullness I haven't felt since Aaron Sorkin stopped writing The West Wing.

Afterall, they don't call it super for nothing....

"So today we say with one voice, "Give us the child who wants to learn, give us the people in need of work, give us the veterans who need our care. We say give us the economy to rebuild and this war to end, give us this nation to heal, this world to lead, this moment to seize."

I know we're ready.

Thank you all and God bless you."

Hillary Clinton from her Super Tuesday Speech

"Fairytale"

Fairytale

Cinderella's on her bedroom floor
She's got a
Crush on the guy at the liquor store
Cause Mr. Charming don't come home anymore
And she forgets why she came here
Sleeping Beauty's in a foul mood
For shame she says
None for you dear prince, I'm tired today
I'd rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming
[Chorus:]
'cause I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried about the maiden though you know
She's only waiting on the next best thing

Snow White is doing dishes again cause
What else can you do
With seven itty-bitty men?
Sends them to bed and calls up a friend
Says will you meet me at midnight?
The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says
Would have cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair
I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom
Man made up a story said that I should believe him
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight
But I don't want the next best thing
So I sing and hold my head down and I break these walls round me
Can't take no more of your fairytale love

I don't care
I don't care
Worry bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting spent the whole life being graded on the sanctity of patience and a dumb
Appreciation
But the story needs some mending and a better happy ending
Cause I don't want the next best thing
No no I don't want the next best thing

~Sara Bareiles

High/Low

High: The Giants won the Superbowl in the greatest football game I have ever seen
Low: I didn't put any money on the Giants, even though I wanted them to win, "knew" they would win. I could have made myself some good money.

High: Superbowl Sunday snacks! And beer!
Low: Superbowl snacks. And beer. And tums. Oh my!

High: Sweatpants + old football jersey + bandana = great outfit!
Low: The endless piles of clean laundry in various states of folds with a mass of wrinkles accruing at a very alarming rate.

High: The Budweiser Clydesdales, the Rocky theme, that little dalmation
Low: The Planters Peanuts ad.

High: Having the family over for some 5-alarm hamburgers
Low: The reason my parents came into town today was to visit my uncle who is in the hospital. It's good he's at least getting help now, but he was also getting help just a couple weeks back and look how that turned out.

High: Steven Gray getting fouled by Brody Angely with .03 seconds left in the game.
Low: (For him, not me) Brody Angely--Dude, when you're up by two, you definiely don't foul with less than one second on the clock.

High: Gonzaga's 2-OT win over Santa Clara
Low: Yeah, we pulled out a win. But we're looking a little uninspired and we've got a big game on Monday against Saint Mary's.

High: Spending some quality couch time reading a couple books
Low: The first book I read this weekend was selected because I wanted just a quick read, and did in fact get that, but also served with a side of dull and adolescent.

High: A great weekend
Low: Monday morning, and work is only a few short hours away

TGIF~

This morning I woke up and thought "holy crap! it's already the 25th of January!! Where does time go?" Which of course sent me on a tangent about where time really does go, and what am I actually doing with my time. Then I got thinking about how great last weekend was, and holy shit! it was only last weekend I was in the tri-cities? The month as a whole might have flown right by but this week has been torture. 5 days of mind-numbing time with mrs. x in the near vicinity, her voice like nails on a chalkboard. Okay, before another tangent ensues, here we go:

Take-out! Weekend=Relax=no dishes=take out. I'm thinking Chinese. :)

Gonzaga takes on #1 Memphis tomorrow morning 9 am on ESPN. I am acutally thrilled to roll out of bed and get the coffee on just in time for a basketball game.

Ice Ice Baby. It's not even supposed to get to 32* this weekend. Although if by chance it does, more snow...so I'm thinking movies....cocoa....repeat!

Fergie--Yeah I've got some cleaning to do and I intend to use that time to brush up on my spaz dance moves

*Thanks to Michelle for the inspiration.

THIS.JUST.IN.

From the AP: WASHINGTON - Congressional leaders announced a deal with the White House Thursday on an economic stimulus package that would give most tax filers refunds of $600 to $1,200, and more if they have children.
From CNN: WASHINGTON (CNN) -- U.S. taxpayers would get checks of several hundred dollars from the federal government under a plan to stimulate the economy, congressional and Bush administration officials said Thursday.

It looks like I'm going to get a surprise check from the federal government this year. Holla! It looks like George Bush's stimulus plan is on it's way to the people. Even though my sister's response when asked about the newest tax break responded with "George Bush couldn't stimulate a horny teenager in a dark theater." Okay then. I'm not sure if it will have it's intended effects but I'm through caring for the moment. I'm getting some money. And even though I tend to agree with my sister I can't help but see dollar signs. Sure, not many...but still...
I've never been able to really reap the benefits of a tax break and I'm excitedso for the afternoon anyways I'm left to daydream about what to do with my stimulus package. Uh, yuck, that sounds dirty...

Option 1: Because I want one. It's practical too, which makes it less of a splurge :)

Option 2: Because my tv won't last forever. And when I say forever, I mean it won't last through the digital switch of 2009.

Option 3: Because it's pretty

Option 4: Because I've always wanted this kind of splurge :)

Option 5: Put whatever little amount I get away in savings to keep for a rainy day...

Letters I'll Never Send~

Dear Boss~

Guess who's looking for a new job? That's right. And I've decided to spring it on you at the last minute because I'm feeling particularly bitchy this week. In case you forgot, I'm your employee, not your bitch. And although I tend to find myself in the friend/employee/former nanny category, at no time do I find myself in the personal assistant category. It's not my job to drive you and your children to the grocery store. If the weather is bad enough you do not wish to drive, I probably do not wish to drive you either. When you come down in the office and you see several different stacks of paper strategically placed around my desk, it means I've already gone through them, sorted them, and attempting to take care of each thing. It's called work--it's a process. It does not mean I'm lazy and unorganized and am waiting for you to tell me what do to. It doesn't mean go through them and read aloud what each item is. Haven't you ever found it odd that all the opened mail is magically sorted? I do have a burning question: Is it really that hard to put a check in an envelope and seal it? It must be because not once have I ever seen you do it. Sure I hand you a stack of checks, with their corresponding addressed, stamped envelope and all you have to do is sign your name, slide the check in the envelope, lick and close. But alas, we never get past the signing your name part. Also, I'm now eligible for health insurance. You bet your ass I'll be enrolling. Thanks, and have a fantastic day!

Always, Your Disgruntled Employee

Dear Mom of J/N/L~

Please please please get over whatever issues you have with food so that your children will learn healthy eating habits. Sure, you're skinny...but that's not achieved by a healthy diet/exercise combo...rather an eat less/drink more thing you have going on. Please understand what you are doing by only filling L's bottles with half (half!) of the correct amount of formula. It's 4 scoops to 8 ounces for a reason. She's not chubby...she's a baby, and all that fat is for her brain. Your kids will eat dinner if you sit down and eat with them. They learn by what they see modeled. And at this rate they'll be hitting the wine and skipping meals before their next birthdays. I know you see me and see a size 14 and shudder. But I'm 100% happy with my body and my eating habits. Please learn the difference between healthy and skinny. Because your daughters will have enough trouble in the world without a distorted view on body image/self esteem. Real beauty is not found on the label of your jeans.

Always, Loving-Every-Bite :)

Dear T~

What do you do? I mean really? You are a stay-at-home mom and yet you never intereact with your kids. You set them up on little tasks, little jobs so you can have a break. What exactly do you need a break from? I wonder this as I pay your bills and run your office. You pay someone else now to come and watch your kids so you can work. What does work exactly mean to you? You have housekeepers. And between the time they're here you have that stupid robot vacuum (which by the way sounds like a heard of elephants whenever it's in use for anyone stuck downstairs in the office). You talk about how fabulous it would be to bake with your kids, do little crafts, go to the library, park, etc...if only you had the time...what the fuck? You have nothing but time. You don't read. You don't cook. You don't clean. You used to shop...but budget restraints have you very limited on any spending. You don't leave the house. Sometimes you come down and whine about not having any "me-time" and how you just need a day off. A day off? From what, life? Great. Except, don't think I'll work on my day off, so you can have a day off. Your whole life is a day off.

Always, Questioning 24/7

ABC's and 123's

Alaska~I'm going to visit in July! Plane tickets have been purchased and I just hope the little island town of Petersburg is ready ;)

Belle~ My little kitten who can be so darn cute, but has such a vicious streak of evil in her
that I don't regret shipping her off to live with my parents. Even though I do miss her.

Coffee. Coors Light. Coke. Cosmo. My drinks of choice.

Democrat~ proud to be a left winger :) Prouder still to have rocked the Young Democrats on Whitworth Campus.

Examen~ The Prayer of Examen technically, which has really saved me a couple times. Seriously, the whole bottom of a pit, tears, talking with God examination of life and where I am and where I need to go.

Family~I love the 'Fiasco 5' more than life itself. The good, the bad, the ugly we are there for each other, we have a love that is nothing short of fierce and it's bonded us like nothing I've ever seen.

General Hospital~ I've been a dedicated viewer since the mid-90's. Yes, I was only in elementary school then so I had to catch it in the summer and on "sick" days, and then the glorious day my sister bought her first tv/vcr combo to which the GH was taped daily and I could watch it whenever she permitted. I've had my own tv for awhile now and haven't missed more than 5 episodes in as many years. (Pathetic? I hope not!)

Hats~ my first real true love. First of all it means I don't have to fix my hair. But besides that they are just a fantastic accessory. Definitely my favorite. Today is a pink angora affair and it's fabulous!

Idaho~ what is any list without the potato state? My home state. It doesn't matter how happy I am with my apartment or how much I enjoy my life now. There is always a sigh of relief and a familiarity the minute I cross the state line and am safely back home.

James~my first childhood friend. When I was five and had my first ever sleep-over birthday party and could choose one friend to spend the night, it was without any hesitation that I chose James. James, who couldn't be left alone without a grown up and who loved peanut butter cups.

Kino~ my imaginary friend. Oh, we had some good times, Kino and I, and her father--a balloon salesmen, of course.

Lonestar Ranch~the homestead of my grandpa at Priest Lake. You can hike in, or you can boat in. It's very private, which is part of the appeal. It's my own little Walden pond.

Maverick~my call sign since the caravan that was Christmas of 2004.

Norway~I choose to pretend I'm mostly Norwegian, although truthfully it's just the dominant piece of heritage. So I embrace it. I celebrate it.

OneRepublic~my newest musical discovery. I'm loving it.

Pontiac~the car that gets me safely and stylishly where I need to go.

Queen~I am the Queen. I. Am. The. Queen. Of my own world, sure.

Red Vines~one of many addictions. I always want to buy those huge 1 lb tubs that they sell at Costco, but I know I'll never be able to resist that kind of temptation.

SATURDAY NIGHT~By the Bay City Rollers, guaranteed to make me smile.

To Kill A Mockingbird~ Best. Of. All. Time.

(Pineapple) Upside Down Cake Martini~A.MAZE.ING

Venti~ I always order the venti at starbucks...I'm not sure why but now it's become such a habit if I get a grande I feel gypped. Crazy town I know!

Whitworth~that huge giant schism of my life. Before and After. I was a young naive high school graduate, full of hopes and dreams for the future, full of promise and visions of sugarplums. Instead I got Whitworth which enthusiastically and very dramatically crushed most of the ideals I had about college, and frankly on the decency of human nature as well. I could go on and on... Dropping out of college with three semesters left was probably the smartest thing I've ever done.

Mrs X~my boss. Yucky. Right now I'm trying hard to be civil, to get through this bump in the road without hating her. It's not going so well.

Yarn~ I'm a knitter. That's right. Before it was cool too!

Zodiac~Capricorn.

ONE! Number of times I've seen Elton John in concert. I'm still bitter it isn't two, since I tried for three straight hours this morning, and they were sold out. How anyone got through is beyond me.

TWO! Siblings--one sister, one brother, and me sandwiched right in between them

THREE! Cups of coffee every morning

FOUR! The number of guys I've slept with.

FIVE! Average number of days it takes me to return a phone call.

SIX! The number of times I've blacked out. Waking up the next morning was the scariest moment of my life, and yet I let it happen more. The utter terror of not knowing where you are or what you've done is literally paralyzing.

SEVEN! Coats hanging in my closet. Because in the PacNW you need to be prepared for all kinds of weather. And you must be able to accessorize accordingly. :)

EIGHT! Years I've been a licensed driver. That makes me feel old, except next year the insurance rates go down. WhooHoo!

NINE! My favorite number. It was my mailbox number in second grade and ever since then there has been a little magic. Plus hello-- times any number you can find, it all comes back to nine!

TEN! Minutes, on average, that I'm running late

The Little Things~

These were delivered to my office today. Wowsa! Let me just say I could have literally been knocked over with a feather. Seriously! First of all...my office is not really an office, but a room in the basement of my boss's home. And we just moved here last month so nobody in my life really knows I'm here. Or where exactly here is. So when Sean said someone was here for me I kinda went from zero to freakout in about 3 seconds because nobody would come to my work, especially in this weather, except for one of my family members. It wouldn't be for a visit. It would be bearing news. The kind of bad news you need to deliver in person.

With my thundering heart and shaking hands I walked upstairs. And what I saw standing at the front door left me speechless. Overwhelmed. Blissfully happy.

The most beautiful pink roses I've ever seen. For me. Sigh. Smile. Repeat. My hands were still shaking because I could not imagine who in the world would send these to me. "The holidays are over. My birthday has come and gone. Valentine's Day isn't for a month, and please...won't be expecting flowers then either." My brain worked overtime before I could find the little card hidden in the mass of heavenly scented pink flowers.

I read the card and for the first time in a long time felt apprecitated. Felt good about the work I do. Because these lovely flowers were sent to me by the wonderful guys who make up the E-Team--the foreman who I speak with daily but none of whom I've ever met, the employees who appreciate all the hard work I do for them. These guys took some time out of their day to send a little something special my way. I don't think I'll be able to stop smiling.

Happy Birthday!

Twenty-four years ago yesterday was the big day, the wonderful day the world was first introduced to missheatherkristine. I've always loved my birthday and not just because it's an excuse to eat cake & ice cream and generally sit around celebrating me. Well okay, that's mostly why. Plus I was very fortunate that this year my birthday was on a weekend, as my boss seems to forget that I'm entitled to time off for any reason other than my own death.

In typical fashion I began the celebration by taking a quiet evening and reflecting a little on yours truly, which I like to do each year on my birthday. So I had a bubble bath, my new pj's, a whiskey sour, some candle light and my journal. And I must say I have high hopes for this year. Finally I've reached a place in my life that I can honestly say is the place I used to daydream about. I've actually attained something I never really thought I would. Which I am quite proud of, that I've reached it, and that I recognize it and can enjoy it for a few years before the next thing. Forget new year's resolutions...I'm all about the new age resolutions. So as I begin my twenty-fifth year of living I'm excited for what comes.

Before meeting my vip's for a late birthday lunch I spent a little time with my grandma. (My grandma is a whole different post for many different reasons, but for now I'll just say I enjoy spending time with her.) My grandma makes amazing pie, we're talking blue ribbon here, so this year sans birthday cake we were having birthday pie, and it was a team effort. I bake pies now. Woo Hoo! And boy are they yummy! So I had a great morning with gramma baking apple pies and making memories that will later become stories I share with my kids.

Birthday phase 3 was a late lunch with some of my favorite people and quite honestly some of my favorite food. And cosmos. So after feasting on black bean and lime halibut it was onto the birthday girl dessert tray. Delicious. I was really eyeing that explosive chocolate cake configuration but instead went with the huckleberry cheesecake which was worth every calorie. Spectacular! Then back home to open up my cards and presents of which I make me a very busy gal in the coming months:

***Tickets to GYPSY courtesy of my bro and K-- of course they'll be attending, as will my mama, yay!

***The most beautiful piece of luggage I've ever seen (this, except in RED!) which inside contained a plane itinerary for a trip to ALASKA with my mom!!! That's right, my very first real vacation ever! 10 whole days away from work, and responsibilities. 10 whole days to enjoy life, relax, and take lots of pictures!

***And courtesy of my father a new pair of hiking boots for the next expedition to Chimney Rock, or for when we finally make it to Hunt Lake!

All of that would have made this birthday the best ever...but that's not all! We came back to the apartment, ate apple pie and watched Gonzaga soundly (it was a bit of a nail biter there for a few minutes) beat Georgia! Whoop Whoop! Still just that would have made this birthday the best ever. But there was more to come.

It began simple enough, and turned into one of those days we don't get to enjoy nearly enough. My mom stayed the night so we could hang out on my actual birthday. Right.... She wanted to watch Gilmore Girls and I don't blame her. Since Christmas Day '07 my GG collection has been complete. That's right seasons 1 through 7, which is somewhere in the vicinity of 123 hours of Lorelai, Rory, and the rest of Stars Hallow. And yea I've been telling mom how much she'd love the show. And I was right. So last weekend when we started off with the first three episodes I didn't realize the damage I was doing. I've created another addict.

We watched a few episodes Saturday night. Which led to a 5 AM wake-up on Sunday to continue our viewing pleasure. We did not stop until we had finished season 1. Holy hell, Batman! That's right...right around twelve hours of solid tv watching. Sure, we had a few breaks in there--you know, refuel on coffee, trips to the fridge/pantry, bathroom breaks what with all the coffee/tea drinking. At one point we managed to tear ourselves away long enough to look out the window to discover with some amazement that we'd been immersed in several inches of snow. Which meant we had to keep watching. When the snow starts falling with no end in sight there is nothing to do but cozy up and settle in for the long haul.

It was a perfect way to spent the day. Hanging out with my mom, relaxing and watching good tv. Everybody needs one of those days every now and then and I can't remember the last time I had anything close. No getting dressed, definitely no showering, no real cooking. Popcorn, hot cocoa, lots of laughing with my bff :)

Definitely the best birthday. Definitely.

Food for Thought?

With the new year's celebrations already under my belt it's time to focus on the next big event. Yes, that's right...the birthday. Not a big one, just another year older and wiser I suppose. But still, be it a traditional big one or not I'm pretty partial to my birthday as it gives me the excuse to treat myself well and enjoy a little pampering.

And the good folks from the Astrocenter Team at msn astrology wrote up a little something special for the big day! How thoughtful! Some helpful hints and tips to get me, the beloved capricorn through the next year. Isn't astrology just fabulous!

Dos and Don'ts: Capricorn

As a Capricorn you tend to be a very hard worker, and you probably have a very high level of business sense. You're also very family-oriented, loyal, and will stand by those whom you believe in to the bitter end. Yet Capricorns can also be somewhat stiff and formal, and don't always succeed in hiding their feelings for people whom they don't approve of. Even the youngest of Capricorns just might cling to the standards and mores of a generation long past – and thus might be viewed as "weird" by their contemporaries. Yet in their lighter moods, Capricorns can be quite entertaining. As a native of Capricorn, you tend to crack jokes and keep such a straight face that your listeners don't know whether you're joking or not until they see you laughing at them! You tend to be fascinated by the past, and can be very entertaining when you talk about it – provided that it isn't YOUR past. You can talk about ancient Sumer or the Middle Ages or the early 20th Century and make it all sound wonderful – but when asked about your own history, you clam up.

WHEN MEETING NEW PEOPLE:
DO: Quickly find some common ground between you and your new acquaintances. Then make the most of it. Whether it's a current event you both heard about, or an interest you have in common, it could bring you a new friendship.
DON'T: Go over the top talking about your business. Even if your new acquaintance works in the same field as you, don't talk shop. It's important to show a different side of yourself. This will arouse interest in you – not your job.

WHEN DATING:
DO: Make use of your innate sense of style. Nothing catches the eye of a new potential partner more than looking smart and spiffy. You don't need to look like you just stepped out of VOGUE or GQ. Just look your best.
DON'T: Bend your date's ear by going into the intricate details of your latest business enterprise. It's important to remember to show an interest in your partner!

IN FASHION:
DO: Purchase the highest quality clothes you can find at the lowest possible prices. You like to dress in the latest styles, but you aren't all that keen on designer prices. The right store for you is out there. Find it!
DON'T: Buy nothing but business suits. You do have a life outside the workplace – at least, you should. Go ahead and be a little frivolous. You've earned the right!

WHEN STARTING A NEW WORKOUT PROGRAM:
DO: Pick a regimen that appeals to you. You're not the type to abandon anything, so it is best you find a program that you like.
DON'T: Get so caught up in a routine that you get bored with it. Change your routine every once in awhile. Try different exercises that bring the same results occasionally. That way it won't become a chore.

WHEN CLIMBING THE CAREER LADDER:
DO: Continue just as you're doing: Be nice but firm with everybody, and go right on doing business the way you always have.
DON'T: Expect all your colleagues and subordinates to be just as efficient and business-savvy as you are. We can't all be Capricorns!

WHEN DOING HOUSEHOLD CHORES:
DO: Hire a cleaning service. You may be great at business, but household chores just aren't your thing.
DON'T: Stand over the cleaners and look stern. Let them do their job. You'll want them to come back, after all.

WHEN COOKING:
DO: Go for elegance. You enjoy a cozy, semiformal atmosphere, and if you have guests for dinner, so will they. Spoil yourself a little.
DON'T: Stick with the same few favorite foods you always prepare. Try some new recipes from time to time. If you don't like them, you never have to eat them again.

WHEN DRIVING ON THE FREEWAY:
DO: Avoid rush hour traffic whenever it's humanly possible. Your days are stressful enough without it.
DON'T: Drive too slow. Caution is good, but slowing traffic down can be just as dangerous as driving too fast. Go with the traffic.

Year in Review~

Putting the lid on '07! (Copied from Glamorous! )

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before? Oh so many things! Hike to Chimney Rock was something I had on my life list that I got to cross off this year, so that was very very cool.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Yeah I actually did pretty good. I wanted to be happy, healthy, productive. I'm hoping to improve on all those again...and I've got a few more up my sleeve.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? This was the year of the babies...which means last year was the year of getting it on. My boss had a beautiful baby girl in Feb, my cousin had a baby boy in May, and her sister also had a sweet baby boy in September! Lots of baby-love in '07.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Sadly yes...malcolm mcphee, the father to my old roommate, the new father in law to my sister.

5. What countries did you visit? Nada...who had time for travel?

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A vacation! And I have a sneaking suspicion I have one in store....

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? May 20: The day my mama graduated from Whitworth, summa cum laude! June 21, 2007: My sister's wedding day.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finally figuring out what I wanted out of life and making it happen. No more excuses, or justifications. Not letting other people bring me down. Being honest with people. Living my life the way I want to.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not communicating honestly with my boss. I'm not happy here, and I don't enjoy working for them or with them any longer.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I was sick more often than I ever am, nothing major...just a general run-down feeling. Colds. Coughs. Fevers. Blah.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My new power suit (at 70% off). It sits in my closet for now...but it's there reminding me I can go out there and get a job that matches the suit...a job I actually enjoy.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My brother, who finally gave up smoking everything! I'm so happy for him!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My boss...who chewed copenhagen through her entire pregnancy. Does she know anything about the risks associated, say low birth weight, birth defects? There is no safe alternative to smoking cigarettes. And she had a healthy beautiful baby...but breastfed for months with her diet consisting of coffee, copenhagen, and wine. Sicksicksicksick!

14. Where did most of your money go? Rent. Student loans. Shopping...

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Sarah's wedding. It was amazing.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Maybe something from Fergie...I know, I was crazy addicted.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? Much, much, much happier. Fatter--back on it to lose the weight I lost, then somehow found again. Shit. Richer--different job, more money!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Gone to the lake

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Shopping. If I want to buy a house someday, I don't care how cute the shoes are and how great of a sale it is. I need to turn into a saver.

20. How did you spend Christmas? We had a week long Christmas celebration. First at my parent's house with my bro and k, then off to my sister's house, then to my aunt's, then to my grandma's to wrap it all up. It was awesome family fun time!

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? No. Well, with some new babies. That baby smell. You can't help but falling in love.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Even though they cancelled it which I'm still angry about Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. But I also really loved Damages, Army Wives, and Gossip Girl.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I'm in a few feuds this year that last year were nonexistent. But it's not hate, that's a pretty strong word, and even I don't hate anyone...at least not at the moment.

24. What was the best book you read? The Long Walk by Slavomir Rawicz

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?OneRepublic

26. What did you want and get? My own apartment; A docking station for my iPod; a kitten--which I had to give to my parents as it turned out she wasn't really suited for apartment living.

27. What did you want and not get? It's pretty sad...I can't think of anything. I'm a pretty lucky gal I guess!

28. What was your favorite film of this year? The Bourne Ultimatum. I am in love love love with Jason Bourne.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23 on January 6...I went up to my parent's house, had a great dinner and chilled with the family.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? My year was pretty damn satisfying....we managed to pack a lot of living into one year. Honestly I don't think I would have added anything...maybe a few more moments to just sit and enjoy everything instead of rushing off to the next great experience.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? My fashion improved this year with the discovery of my own style. Moving from a nanny wearing jeans and sweatshirts everyday to a business gal, wearing cute tops, great shoes and accessorizing was a major plus in my life. Add a new haircut and we're talking major improvements :)

32. What kept you sane? My bffs...my mother and my sister. Also being able to come home to a great apartment and decompress.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? As always, ethan hawke...

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Um, what didn't? Yes, my political apathy is still lingering around, but it's hard to be complacent with this administration...with the current politics.

35. Who did you miss? The old friends...the friendships that just worked and were comfortable without so much of this other yucky stuff. Friendships that didn't always need an overhaul or time-outs, friends who were honest and friendships that had mutual respect.

36. Who was the best new person you met? A couple girls from work. (Especially since most the time it's an office of one) T.O. who keeps me sane as the other outsider in this crazy family business.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. The two-way street of relationships. Friends will always be around for you to take care of. It's the real friends, the friends who will take care of you in return who are worth the investment.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Celebration Let's all celebrate and have a good time Celebration We gonna celebrate and have a good time