"Hey, whadda ya think of Chuck Norris?"

Laugh Out Loud--that's the weekend, all wrapped up, pretty with a bow.
And that's fucking fabulous.
Yeah, so we did it up nicely..got outta the house...lived...laughed, most certainly laughed. Hit the Spokane scene for the first time since I've been back. It was nice. Friday night we went to this really cute bisto on the South Hill, and this, after our original downtown idea hit a huge parking snag. Hey, we stuck to the plan, going to a place we had never been, and ended up feeling fed and happy. Two for one. I love it.
Saturday. Hehehe. Yeah, that was one for the memory books. A little prefunk--hey, I'm a pro, remember. Any night will be a success starting with some great cosmos and a little makeup party. After we hit the Marriot, we got our Emmy, and the Schmoopies, and hit a bar. It was nice. Damn it, I admit it, it was really fun, and I'm glad I didn't skip out. After the "dirty bird" I was feeling fine and dandy. And Heidi was feeling even better. Her alternate personality came out, and was here to party.
Well, long story short....it was good. We were all smart. We were all safe. And we learned a few fantastic lessons. #1 Emily can and will dance like Shakira when she finds the right company. #2 Heidi is a man-magnet. That girl can reel them in. #3 If you pee on a cement wall you will get a ticket. The cops will swarm in all SWAT style, and as long as it's not anybody you came with...it's very funny. #4 Hanging with your siblings is pretty alright.
And well Sunday, Sunday we finished it off the only way we could. Sarah and Matt came over for breakfast which was great. It was a new experience for all of us, and I think it's been the best yet.
After this kind of weekend, well Grey's Anatomy did it up nicely. Very nicely. Dr. McSteamy--two very enthusiastic thumbs up. I'd take him all wrapped up, pretty with a bow.

1987

Nothing but love and sunshine.
Happy Birthday to my little brother. Happy Birthday, kid.
I'm at a loss with Geoff. I love him, of course, that goes without saying. He's my little bro, my little hero, my buddy growing up and the friend I knew I'd always have. And now I'm so sad for him. I'm sad because I see him throwing his life away and I don't know if he'll be able to get it back. It's hard to watch him turn into this kid I don't even recognize. I just want to be able to help him, even though I know for this, he has to help himself. If he really wants to change, he has to make that decision on his own.
I don't know if he even wants to change.
It feels like he's the water circling the drain, and it's starting to go down much faster. Little tornados. And the momentum is growing so fast that it's just this second--it's too late. And I don't want to force my life, my beliefs on him. I want to be there for him, and help him, and I don't know what to do.
And I'm selfish. I'm sad for me. Because I've lost my little brother. I've lost my little hero, my little buddy. I want to help him find his path and help him be healthy and happy--in his own way. But I don't want him to self destruct. I don't want him to chose to medicate himself. Because I've seen how that works--it doesn't.
So little brother...today I wish you nothing but love and sunshine. I wish you your own happiness and safety and love.
I wish you love and sunshine, today, and always.

Sparkle Me!

"I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." Henry David Thoreau

My hero. My aspiration. This is my desire. To live fully and deliberately and consciously take action. One year ago. One year ago today was more than a Valentine's day moping around with a broken heart because my special somebody hurt me. One year ago today I was left completely shattered. Largely because I realized, for the first time I really realized how little I meant. That I didn't mean anything and yet had given so much--I had nothing left. There was no reciprocity. There was pain, and anger, and hurt...I experienced a broken heart compounded by so much more. One year ago was the end of my old life and the birth of my new self. It was a discovery, a journey into places I didn't want to go, places I didn't want to see.

And so today I celebrate.
I celebrate love and happiness and myself. I don't need to be in love to be happy. In fact, being in a "relationship" almost destroyed me.
And so today I celebrate.
I celebrate being strong and alive and happy.
I celebrate a life full of new beginnings and success.
I celebrate a life where I can stand alone.
I celebrate a life of freedom and blessings and rewards.
I celebrate new discoveries and grateful moments.
I celebrate music. And dancing. And candles. And red wine. And chocolate. And ice cream. And pink nail polish. And movies. And coffee.
Today I celebrate a new life with hope and faith and trust.

You have to crawl before you can walk. I've learned you can dance whenever. And so today I begin a new life dancing to the rhythm of life...whatever that happens to be.

Live and Learn

Aaaaanyways. So life continues, relatively normal. The move back to Spokane was a success. Everything fell into place--perfect timing and a return trip just 7 months after moving down. It's great to be back near my family and friends and the place that really is my home. And yes, I'm still defining that home...but it's a lot easier here. Got the apartment, made the move with surprisingly few hiccups, and very mild at that. Moving in the middle of January was a scary thought...visions of ice and snow seeped into my unconscious. But alas, we had beautiful roads, sunny days and abundant help!

After "apartment hunting: day 1" we were resigned to the fact that we might end up in cedar springs, creek, babbling brook--whatever the stupid names seem to be--but were saved from what seems to be the breeding ground for Whitworth undergrads and recent grads and newly hitched and blah blah blah...it was all too much for me, too yuppie. Too many of the same apartments which seem to be the only option for many I don't want to define myself with. (Except for the two I love so very much who happen to currently live their with their new spouses and one on the way....:) Day 2 brought us to what would become our new apartment, right out of the gate. The new pad took some TLC and our fabulous decorating flare and seems to be on it's way to something utterly fabulous.

"Working hard for the money....So hard for it honey." Oh the theme song to my life as a wage slave. Transferred relatively successfully to Spokane RR. First week is over and I must say I miss my Mach Robin. I miss the cleanliness standards, my coworkers, and frankly my status. Yes, I can admid that. My name's not on any wall here...and nobody knows me...so I have to prove myself...with some more anxious to watch that than others. I will say that after the "we're really anal here...there's a lot more we expect" I was flabbergasted by the blatant lack of any sort of standard. (My franchise kicks your corporate ass every day!) By the way, thanks for the tour, or the beer list, or telling me anything about how your store was run. I'm capable, I'll figure it out, and I did. I'm just glad the new me didn't let the old me take over say something ugly and let them shove this corporate job up their ass. I've grown up, and I can smile through it. And I will.

And there are things I'd like to do...I'm gonna build something and this is just another chapter of what can be greatness. This is another moment which I chose to define myself with, and it can be bad, it can be scary...but that's my mountain to climb. Because I'm capable. And it's hard and there are moments that I feel I may break. But I'm so much stronger. One year ago today I woke up in a life I didn't recognize as my own. I didn't like the face I saw in the mirror, I didn't like the girl who needed to be saved. But here I am...brand new, stronger, and I'm ready.

As sand through the hour glass.....

So are the days of my life. Back in Spokane. Got the apartment, the job, all the finishing touches... I'm so glad it's all over. The stress and the debate of whether to stay in Meridian or head on over to Spokane. And I knew I had to move out but the indecision and the planning and the unknown was just wearing me out. I'm really happy to be back in Spokane sooner than I thought, already moved in and starting work this week. Then things can get back to normal and I can just focus on living and doing what I need to to make that an amazing experience every day.