Sparkle This....

It was definitely pink nail polish day. Things seem to be just a little bit better for me on days like this. Just a normal day and then whammo...good things start smaking me in the face. Not that that is actually very good at all, unless it's some kind of cotton product of high thread count. Alright, tangents are fairly good too, but this one's over. So yeah, work is good. I can feel it becoming better. And if it makes me a huge dork...well so be it. I'm happy that we're making it better. I'm all about the standards of greatness. More responsibility...more pay...bartending...what's not to love? That's right...nothing. Add up the fact that two dvd's came in the mail and I'm extra specially happy. So yeah, bring on the sunshine, bring on the great pumpkin charlie brown. Bring on the pink nail polish.

Have a little faith in me....

I was finally able to nail down what's been bothering me. I've felt a little unstable, a little unsure. And, it was a relief because it has nothing to do with me actually. It's the perception of me. The image of what everyone thinks I should be doing right now. And the truth is I'm really happy right now. I can't remember a time I was happier. I love living down here in this great house, working at a job I love and hanging out being me. Now it is true I don't spend a lot of my free time hanging out with my crew. Do I even have a crew? I know I had one, and I did the entire college experience with dorm rooms and people barging in whenever they felt. And I loved it. I'm glad I had those experiences. But I'm not there anymore. I've had the metamorphis back to who I really was. I knew, for a while who I was and I was happy. And then I changed to fit the social expectations and I believe I spent the next 4 years in and out of drunken stupors, making bad choices and saying things to people that I can never take back. And I don't want to go there again. I was so insecure in who I was becoming I became this splashy teenage disaster making sure nobody tried to tell me what to do. I've been on this journey and I feel like I'm finally making the right stops, I'm finally heading in the right direction at least. But it makes me crazy having to deny the expectations that I'm not doing it the right way. I like to have down time. I don't want to go out to the bars and drink because it's not me anymore and I don't know how I can handle the pressure. I don't want to slip back into that phase of insecurities trying to prove how much I don't care and drinking myself under to prove I don't.
Aggggg...it's frustrating. I'm not a hermit. Although the whole Waldon Pond thing sounds kind of inviting. I just want to be free to be me. Hanging out with Sarah. We have fun and we are both true to who we really are. I'm tired of having to justify who I want to be. And I miss my friends but they don't live around here. So I can't run to the mall or the movies with them. And I'm okay with that right now. I just want to become me without all the pressure from people who don't really know me. Because I've got it figured out right now. I know the safe balance. And I want to focus on that.

Wrong Turn....

I've lost it. I've lost the go-to movie, the go-to music...it's the staples of my life falling to the wayside. I've been mixing it up a little...back to Carol King, Carly Simon...but I don't have that golden cd that lights up my day anymore. I'm all dried up. That's how it feels. My favorite things have lost their pizzazz. I can't decide on a movie. Nothing is fitting my mood. I don't know how to start my day, I can't figure out how to end it. I've hit a snag in my rhythm of life these last few days. Damnit. I can't type worth a shit either. This calls for a beer and some quality movie watching and hopefully catch a little rejuvination.

It's Not that I'm Antisocial....

...I just don't like people. Okay, that's not true either. I love people. I go to work every day and I chat, I hang out...I'm surrounded by people. I guess it would be I've really grown to hate cell phones. I'm not really into hanging out for hours on the phone. I don't like the phone. The cell phone...I'm over the whole novelty of it. Sure, it's handy, having it in my car in case of an emergency. That little camera in case I run into John Lovitz again. I really just don't like the fact that people can get a hold of me wherever I am. I want the house phone. I want them to get the machine. The cell phone is too damn disruptive. I don't want to call others, knowing my own peeves with my phone, that they too, are probably in the middle of their lives, and don't want to be interrupted by the damn phone. So my communication skills have gone down the shitter...and it's not that I don't love my friends, I just don't like the phone. Phone tag. The worst game ever invented if you ask me. Stupid. If I get enough energy to actually make the call...get the machine, leave a message...miss the call...make the call again, I'm over it. I've lost any will for communication that would be required for me to make the call a third time. I guess my moral is if you get the "this number has been disconnected and is no longer in service" lady don't feel bad. It's not you...it's me.

Day-Off Boredom

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Pumpkins! Yee-Haw!

One of the things I loved about living in PR was our 4 seasons. Okay it felt sometimes like winter and spring and a few minutes of fall and summer, but we always had all 4. And we've been down here long enough to experience summer. And summer. But October brings us right into fall! (three cheers!!!) And colder weather and turing the heat on, and wearing jeans and sweaters, and rainy days, and leaves changing colors, and pumpkins!

We went out yesturday and got a few fatty pumpkins to carve for Halloween. But this way we can have them out all month long. We decorated our house for "autumn" thus saving a little coin and hitting Halloween and Thanksgiving with the same stuff!!
CLimbing all over the stack of pumpkins at Albertson's was hilarious and I think we pissed off every other person there trying to decide which ones we wanted. Especially the old lady I tried to steal a pumpkin from...how was I supposed to know that one was hers..it didn't have her name on it...it was just sitting there...I was tempted to just take it anyways and run, afterall she was like 75--I could have taken her. The only thing stopping me was some rent-a-cop posted at the door. (I could have out ran him though too...) A cop...at albertson's...yeah, sure, that's not a waste of police budget. We had a good time...found three perfect pumpkins (our scale of roundness...stem...size giving us pretty high scores) 56 pounds of pumpkins later I was just trying not to wet my pants from laughing so much!

Our house looks so cute. I still want to get a couple bails of hay for our front, maybe a corn-stalk...some little scarecrow! So cute. Afterall the fam is coming down for Turkey day (our first as hosts in our own house!) so we're excited to show off the new house.

When I was little I loved Christmas so dang much I couldn't quite handle it. I turned into a royal shit about December 1 in anticipation for the holiday. My parents always thought it was because I didn't open presents for nearly 12 months...with my bday in early January I had to wait until Dec 25 to get gifts again.

I'm now thinking that had little to do with it. I love the festivities of all holidays. Christmas was just the only one we really celebrated. I mean, I love to go all out. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, St. Patty's Day, Easter, 4th of July (now that one's really my favorite) but I'm talking decorations, traditions, food, family, fun. That's what the holiday's are all about anyways, right? So I say embrace it. Do it. Celebrate.