Hot Potato

One month to go. Sarah and I went down to Boise last weekend so she could meet with the principal of her new school and we could find a place to live. It was awesome. I can't wait until we can move back to Idaho...and can enjoy it this time. Okay, so the whole trip wasn't without stress--how about the thoughts "why the fuck am I even moving?" and the whole freeway/Fred Meyer debacle, and that shitty apartment with a freaking sink in the bedroom (what exactly would you do with a sink in a bedroom anyways...???)But what can I say--I am a Gregory, and thinks have a way of working out for us! Including the spectacular brand new house, located in 'Destiny Cove' we are going to rent...and what, it's also affordable?!?! Conviently with a third bedroom (can a get a shout out EMILY)And I love Boise. I love everything about it. We had a blast checking things out (courtesy em's big bro matty) ate at a fabulous restaurant, and spent time in the coolest bar I've ever been. Spokane's got nothing on this. And really, fuck the antidepressants...Idaho is my antidepressant!!!

Finally Woken

I've been thinking 'bout things
For a long while
I'm feeling so calm
I've got a big smile
I have a view of the sun
Right over the sea
And now I can feel
Life is flowing through me

You see I've finally woken
From a long sleep
I'm ready to jump
To make that blind leap
Coz I now believe
I have the power in me
I've got the faith baby
I can truly be free

Finally Woken
Finally Woken

Child don't worry it's ok
The sun is out for another day
And I say it'll be alright
(be alright)
Today's the first day of the
Rest of your life
Remember, remember,
Remember this, remember
~Finally Woken~Jem~

Movin Out

I am counting the days until I can move! I've been nervous about moving and where that would leave Emmy--but I should have known, she is being more understanding than anyone else. I'm sad to be losing her as a roommate, but hope she will think about Boise after she graduates. And it just makes me grateful for the people in my life who really understand what it means to be a friend. Which is another reason I'm psyched to be leaving--my job and the stress my boss seems to create. I have always put them first and worked my schedule totally around theirs. Until one day. One day in over a year and she gets pissy. No thanks. I think I will be leaving as soon as possible, but you just made it a whole lot easier. Sarah and I will have a beautiful apartment, which we get to find next weekend!!! and the rest is just up to fate!

Closer

I think some real progress is being made. After 2 months of the usual bullshit and the easy stuff I'm hitting the road to figuring out something with truth to it. I've been feeling better lately, back to a semblance of who I was, able to do the things I really enjoyed. It was nice to be out of the hole long enough to remember what I thought was important. My faith. My journey with God is back on track and I can start to figure out who that means I am. What I want my life to look like. Each day is something I have to work hard at, but at least I can remember what it was I believed. It's a release, a pressure absolved to be able to see hope again, to look to the future with excitement. And I still don't know where I'm headed or why, but I have the faith now that it's the right direction for the right reasons.

Fallen...

Heaven Bend to take my hand/And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer/To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I tried my best/But somewhere long the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
But the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried I've fallen/I have sunk so low
I messed up/Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

We all begin out with good intent/When love is raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves/The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning/In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything/I've held so dear

Heaven bend to take my hand/I've nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to these I thought were friends/To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed/Pretend that they don't see
That it's one wrong step one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem away to be redeemed
~Fallen~Sarah McLachlan~

Gonzaga Grads! 

Happy Graduation Day!!  

Geoff sporting the newest addition to his face. 

Dad and Sarah Celebrating 

learn to swim before you drown

Today feels like the beginning. It's starting to make sense again. I can see a finish line but I'm really racing to the beginning. I can't wait to move. I can't wait to get a new apartment, live with my sister and get a new job. I feel like this is a place I really belong. I don't want to run away again, hoping this will fix everything because I know that can't happen. But I think I've seen what I need to do, and it will be hard, but that's life.
Yesturday my sister graduated. It was exciting. The rest of her life is waiting for her. But the rest of my life is waiting too. And I don't need a college diploma for that to happen. I don't need to be married or have kids or a dog or a great career. I have a great family, great friends, a growing faith and some deep happiness. It may be cheesy but a month ago I couldn't see that and be greatful. I didn't want to see that. I didn't want anything. And everyday I struggle to remember what it is that I want. But today it zapped me in the face. Sometimes you have to have the faith and belief. You have to learn to swim before you drown.