Ash Wednesday~

So begins Lent and our time of repentance.

When I was younger I remember Lent because two of my friends went to a Lutheran Church so around this time they'd come to school with tales of giving up chocolate, bubble gum and soda. I always joined in on the fun, but it was never a lifestyle change for me. It'd last a day or two, maybe even a week. But then it ended. Because it was just about belonging, about being included in a superficial way.

Now years later I know what Lent really is and it has a profound impact on my life. To repent is to acknowledge a wrong and ask for forgiveness. I'm talking down on my knees asking God to forgive me of my sins. To say it's not easy is an understatement. It's humbling standing before a judge, who gave me everything of Himself, who gives me every chance, and who loves me more than I'm capable of understanding. Yet I stand there full of sorrow and ask for absolution and wait because I know I don't deserve that kind of love, that kind of forgiveness. It's a radical experience, the journey you take in that process the New Testament translates as a change of mind and heart or a change of consciousness.

It was at Whitworth when I really learned what Lent was about. Really learned, and lived it. The first time I wanted to live it. The years at Whitworth were the hardest years of my life. I was trying to balance life on my own, figuring out who I was, discovering what spirituality meant to me, and how I wanted my life to reflect that. It looked so easy. To become part of a church family, to love God and live for Him. To have a relationship with JC and put that first.

Ha ha...right? But it's a journey worth taking. It's worth questioning, doubting, worrying, failing, and growing. Because if I learned anything from Whitworth and Jerry Sittser, it's this little thing called Grace. I won't be going to church tonight, and I won't have the ash on my forehead.

But as for the rest of it I'm all in.