Mrs X (Part 2)~

It's exhausting, being the nanny, the friend, the employee.

After working 9 hours a day I want to go home...but the friend card is dealt, a glass of wine is poured and the next thing I know it's 10:30. The nanny thing is always there, I'm always helping with the kids, which I do love...just not when I'm doing the office thing. I can't be working in the office when I'm driving kids to school, or changing diapers, or any of the other things I manage to squeeze into my normal work day.

And now here we are. We've moved the office into the new house. When I start my work day they are just beginning their normal routines--breakfast, showers, brushing teeth. I'm immersed in their entire lives, there is no autonomy from them. I run their office. I take care of their kids. I pay their bills. They'd like me to move into the old house until it sells.

As much as I know about their life, as involved as I am, make no mistake, this is not a two-way street. They know as much as I let on. As much as I talk, and I'm a big talker, but we're talking grains of sand here...They know as much as they see. They think it is the same, thinking all the while every nuance is shared between us. Sometimes I just laugh, roll my eyes and laugh when Mrs. X talks about my life. As if she is the same to me as I am to her....as if my secrets are theirs as well. It is extremely hard, but I'm trying to keep my Independence.

When 5 o'clock rolls around I choose to go home. Because I like my home. And I've been immersed in their lives for nine hours and I've had enough for one day. Because they are not my comfort...it's not my wind down. It's still work. And I love my wind down. I love coming home. I love leaving them at the end of the day.

Christmas Time Is Here~

Mrs. X (Part One)~

The relationship I have with my boss is complex, to put it mildly. We met 4 years ago at her house where I found myself one day after discovering the perfect! job posting at career services on my once loved, now much despised college campus. Knowing her now, it's shocking we met at all, as she's definitely not the type to go posting anything on a college campus. But look where that little posting brought us(....sigh!)

Things at first were great, as great as it can ever be to be in somebody home, watching their children. I knew virtually nothing about them, and they knew only what I had told them about me. (Which by the way could have been all lies...I can't imagine how scary it would be to leave your children with a perfect stranger!) It wasn't long before the "great" wore off and I was tired of raising this lady's kids while she did what, exactly? There was more than one occasion she came home hours late and would be prattling on and on while inside I was screaming "just say it....H just say it to her. Say...'T, this is my two-weeks...I just can't do this anymore. School and all. It's too much'" But I could never say it. Because I was in love with the two most incredible children on the planet. And I couldn't imagine my life without them.

Over the years our lives have grown together. But how could they not? You can't be the nanny without becoming part of the family. Or maybe you can, and that's just where I went wrong. To be the nanny is to be in their home everyday, to seamlessly step into roles that are normally reserved for parents; you hear the first word, you see the first step, and from then on there is no going back. You are the pseudo mother and everything that goes with that. It is an intimate relationship, and it cements you together. You've become privy to secrets nobody else knows--who secretly looks at porn on the computer, who takes appetite suppressants, anti-depressants, vitamins, pain-killers, who chews copenhagen, who screams at their kids and who hates life. You hear arguments and whispers, you know the entire family history, the family dynamic and you have just become part of it.

At times I felt invisible. A bottle would fall from the counter and magically never hit the floor. A diaper would be changed in the blink of an eye. Abracadabra! kids learned how to say the abc's, how to spell their names, how to count with the snap of a finger. It's different now, but there is always that before and after. Other family members, friends of the X's treat me like the employee, nothing more, nothing less.

It's changed since then, because of the hours I've logged, because of all that time spent. Now it's apparent how much I do to keep their lives seamlessly rolling on. We've experienced life together over the years and as much as I hate to admit it, the X's have also been there for me in some difficult times. Sure, they make me work the day after Christmas so they can spend time with their families, but they are very understanding on the rare occasion I say no. They were very flexible with me when I dropped out of school and needed some me time, some therapy time and very little work time. They've bought my groceries (yay for Thanksgiving bonus!), they've paid my rent (yay for Christmas bonus!), they've kept me working and always given me as many hours as I need.

As each week, each month, each year comes to a close we are nothing if not closer. I've moved from nanny, to business employee, to friend. More bottles of wine have been shared than I care to remember. More secrets are shared, more memories and moments are captured. The kids mean more to me each day. But they aren't my kids...this is my job. And at the end of the day I leave, and I go home to my own life.

For them, as time goes on I'm more and more a part of their lives. For me, it's different. It's a job. A job I like...but something I could leave. For them it's their life, day in and day out. These are their choices for forever. This is my choice for now.

12 Days Before Christmas!

Oh how I love the holidays! Oh I how I love Christmas. My Christmas shopping was actually done a few weeks ago, but every time I go into a store I manage finding a few more things my friends and family would absolutely love! And I would love buying them just as much! I need to reign myself in, but seriously, it is so much fun to give. I can't believe it's only 12 days until Christmas. This makes me sad because in just two short weeks it will all be over. And I love to savor. (Especially after last year where the moment passed before we all knew we were even in it.) Anyways, the next 12 days will be spent in nothing less than 110% Christmas cheer! Yay.
(Very very good)

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Oh wrapping paper definitely. This year I'm doing solid green, white with red moose, and red with snowflakes. Very very pretty.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real. Except I live in an apartment and so the joy of chopping down my own tree has turned into joy taking my tree out of a box and assembling it each year.

3. When do you put up the tree? The first day I have at home after Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down? Sometime after New Year's but before my birthday.

5. Do you like eggnog? Yes. I remember liking it more than I actually do, but it's not quite Christmas without it.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Oh, there are too many! Teddy Ruxpin probably tops the list.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes. Since my mom got rid of the one we had growing up I have the next best thing--the same olive wood set from my grandma. I'm glad for the switch because our baby Jesus looked like a 90-year old man. This one is actually a baby.

8. Hardest person to buy for? My brother. I'm never too sure what he wants/needs.

9. Easiest person to buy for? My sissy.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail. Except this year I'm pissed at Target because my cards are smaller than the envelopes and it just looks tacky...like I couldn't find envelopes so these are a quick solution. I'm tempted to just buy new.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I've never really gotten anything too bad. Oh, the Peewee Herman sweatshirts as a kid were pretty awful.

12. Favorite Christmas movie? Charlie Brown's Christmas; Home Alone; Prancer; Love Actually; Rudolph; Christmas Vacation.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Sometime in November...it's never too early!

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas gift? Most definitely. Usually from a friend to a friend.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Cookies!

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Usually clear. Last year when the brother and I decorated mom and dad's we played homage to years past with a retro tree, colored lights and all.

17. Favorite Christmas song? Oh Holy Nigh; Christmas Eve in Sarajevo; Rockin Around the Christmas Tree; Grown-Up Christmas List

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? I like to stay home, but traveling is okay too. This year we're off to my sisters, which feels like my home anyways so it's all good.

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? Of course

20. Angel or star on top of your tree? Angel

21. Open presents Christmas Eve or morning? Depends. This year we're doing presents on Christmas Eve and stocking on Christmas so we can travel to the aunt and uncle's for the big family Christmas. I like opening on Christmas morning best.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? How fast time goes

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I like the classic red, silver and gold. Maybe we'll do a theme next year...kind of a fashionista theme...glamourous...all high heels and skyscrapers, lipsticks, and nail polish, pinks and black!

24. Favorite Christmas dinner? I didn't realize it at the time...the dinner of 2004. The last time the Fab 5 was all together.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Peace on earth.....Okay, as happy as that would make me, I do love opening up pretty things. This year: nothing I need, just something that I want! :)