Working hard for it honey....

Victory is mine! Victory is mine!

Bring me the finest bagles and coffee in the land!!

I GOT THE JOB!

The second interview was fabulous...absolutely fab. ab-fab!!!. This is everything I want in a job. Relaxed; great environment, great company, great coffee, great people, great books, great music, great money, great benefits, great dresscode; everything is perfect!

Everything, everything works out for the Gregory's.

I've been doubting the decision to move back to Spokane because of the whole work disaster. I left a job I was, quite frankly, smitten with. I loved the atmosphere, the people, the pay wasn't great, but the future was promising. And then, whammo, I up and left it. Hoping, ever so much that I would transition to a place I would be equally smitten with. WRONG. And then just when I was regretting my decision I'm hired at a place that couldn't be more me if I opened it myself.

Just from my interview I feel better about BORDERS than I have about Northpointe RR in the two months I've been working there. A relaxed atmosphere where people go to chill...I'm smitten already.

This is how I role...This is the stuff dreams are made of, the place where legends never die. To find your happy place you must go out and get it. Nobody is out to make your dreams come true. But it's simple. Find what you enjoy and spend time doing it. And work was bringing me down. And I won't do anything that makes me feel bad about myself; especially for money. For now, yes, I have to keep the job that brings in the biggest paycheck, I have to keep up my hours simply because I have to pay my bills.

I will not settle. I will be happy. And I won't stop the search until I am. But right now, everything seems to have aligned. Everything seems to be in place--'cause from where I'm sitting...I see nothing but love and sunshine. Oh, and some books, and a whole lot of coffee!

life and stuff

>I am happiest in blue jeans and a t-shirt with my hair in a ponytail.
>I'd rather stay in with a good book and matching pj's with some music on the stereo than hitting the bars wearing clothes that make a fashion statement whether I want them to or not.
>I love to watch movies and read and there are so many classics that are just waiting for me.
>Priest Lake is magical for me. And I don't like sharing that with everybody.
>I'm comfortable with and proud of myself and my Self. I'm happy with my body and my mind and my heart and I won't let anybody make me feel ugly.
>I am funny. In a wistfully, witty, cynical, sarcastic, slightly neurotic way. Sometimes I steal material that I read or hear or see that is funny. But a lot of it is my own, and it feels good to make people laugh.
>My morning cup of coffee makes my whole day smile. Add my favorite mug and I'm downright giddy.
>Pink fingernail polish is my favorite because it makes me want to braid my hair and go on playground swings and play like I'm seven years old again.
>I am scared of losing my parents and not being able to survive without them. I am terrified of the moment I will be separated from my family.
>Huck Finn is one of the best books I have ever read.
>I'm constantly reminding myself I'm smart enough and capable enough to do whatever I want.
>I am happy looking at pictures 24 hours a day.
>My dream is to write a book, leaving an influence on just one person...This goal is so sacred I may be too afraid to fail that I never try.
>I love red vines. They remind me, simultaneously, of camping, baseball, movies and playing cards. With every licorice stick I'm riding a fascinating montage of great memories.
>I wish I had a theme song that played every time I came into a room :)(We Built this City?? Saturday Night? My Sharona??)
>I wish we got points for being silly and stopped using money as a way of keeping score.
>I don't like the smell of crayons.
>Charlie Brown and the whole Peanuts gang makes my heart smile.
>I want to make a difference in people's lives "and buy them all a coke."
>I don't get eyelash curlers, and even if I did...I wear glasses and my eyelashes are already long enough to be annoying.
>Root Beer is freaking awesome. Add some vanilla ice-cream and we're talking heavenly.
>Hearing children laugh is the music to my soul. That's the one sound I could never get tired of.
>I cannot, for the life of me, beat my mother at a Scrabble game. Eventually I've got to get some points for at least trying.
>There are things I still want to do in life, but mine has been complete since the moment I began a relationship with Jesus Christ and have been completely fulfilled by that.
>I can't wait to be an Aunt and hang with my neices and nephews (no hurry though to either one of my siblings).
>I already have the house plans for the place I want to build in Idaho on some land "given" to me by my parents.
>I don't like to fly and I'm not a big fan of airports.
>Someday I want to go to a movie theater by myself.
>I have no desire to travel by myself.
>I know and experience real, unadultrated JOY on a daily basis.

Fearless

Haunted by a jaded past
Never thought that love could last
Hope was but a castaway at sea
Skepticism took it's toll
Closed the windows to my soul
Was fighting just to keep my sanity

When out of the noise I could hear You breathing
You came along knowing just what I needed
Turned me around and ya got me believin'
You would die for me

Now I'm fearless with nothing left to hide
All the doubts of yesterday, love has driven them away
And now I'm fearless when I am by Your side
It's forever me and You in this covenant of truth
Ya know I'm fearless...oh yeah

Patiently You stripped away
The walls of pride that I had raised
You revealed the child inside of me
We will run and not grow old
Soar on wings as I've been told
Together we will fly the heavenlies

Cause out of the noise I could hear You breathing
You came along knowing just what I needed
Turned me around and ya got me believin'
I would die for You

Some of us leave the vine
Some of us fall in line
All of us have a friend in Jesus
Some of us live in fear
Some of us persevere
Knowing that You are near me, I am fearless
~Fearless~DC Talk

Sweet 16 Baby! (I love March Madness)

http://msn.foxsports.com/cbk/story/5422424

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) - That wispy mustache shouldn't fool anyone. Adam Morrison and his Gonzaga teammates are up there with the big boys of college basketball - in large part because there's more to the Zags than just their superstar.

The Zags proved they're much more than a one-man show Saturday in the second round of the tournament, defeating the Hoosiers 90-80 and making Indiana coach Mike Davis' resignation official despite getting only 14 points from Morrison.
March to Madness

With Indiana defenders draping themselves over Morrison - he of the scraggly, boyish mustache that has provided plenty of tournament snickers - J.P. Batista had 20 points and nine rebounds, Erroll Knight had 11 points and Sean Mallon had a career game with 15 points and 10 rebounds.

"People commit so many resources to stopping Adam that we try to play off that," Gonzaga coach Mark Few said. "If you really watched us, you can see that he's done a nice job of it, and the group has done a nice job of it."

The victory got the third-seeded Bulldogs (29-3) out of the first weekend of the tournament for the first time since 2001, back when they were considered more plucky underdogs than the powerhouse they've become. Gonzaga was ranked in the top 10 all season and made the tournament for the eighth straight time.

"They were a third seed and they probably should have been a one seed," Davis said. "They were the best three seed in the tournament for sure."

And they knocked Indiana out, meaning Davis' next task is to head back to Bloomington to clear out his office.

He announced his resignation last month, effective at the end of the season. The end came despite a super effort from the sixth-seeded Hoosiers (19-12), who nearly won this game from the 3-point line, scoring all but 10 of their 49 second-half points from there.

"My first thought was, I was just proud of the boys," Davis said. "Don't be sad for me. You should be happy for me because I had a great opportunity to coach one of the greatest schools in college basketball."

Next up for Gonzaga is UCLA in the Oakland Regional, where Morrison will have another chance to make his case as the best player in the country.

The junior forward certainly wasn't great against Indiana.

"It's not going to be my night every night," Morrison said. "We still survive and win."

He shot 5-for-17, marking only the sixth time this season he's been held under 20 points. He was frustrated, much as he was in the first-round win against Xavier, and it boiled over early in the second half when he started jawing with Roderick Wilmont.

"Let's not give us a lot of credit, OK," Davis said. "Because he missed some shots today. He got a lot of looks. He still caught the ball."

Morrison and Wilmont each got technicals after their tiff, though it was another T, 22 seconds later on Indiana center Marco Killingsworth, that completely changed this game.

The technical, right after a personal foul, gave Killingsworth four fouls and put him on the bench - turning Indiana's strategy into a 3-or-nothing game. The Hoosiers hit a bunch - 13 to be exact - in the second half and kept the game within reach for most of it.

Robert Vaden went 6-for-13 from behind the line, Marshall Strickland went 6-for-9 and A.J. Ratliff went 3-for-7, along with doing a nice job on Morrison. For a brief moment, it looked as if Davis' plan to trade 3-for-2 down the stretch might actually extend his stay at Indiana.

It wasn't to be, though, and that was mainly because Indiana couldn't stop Gonzaga's wide assortment of long, lanky guys underneath.

Mallon, the 6-foot-9 forward who was once envisioned as the cornerstone of the Gonzaga program, matched his career high in rebounds.

Batista easily won the matchup against Killingsworth (12 points), in large part because he stayed on the court longer.

Knight, a 6-7 swingman, overcame a 102-degree fever earlier in the day, finished 4-for-5 from the floor and gave the Hoosiers fits trying to cover him.

"We have some other players that can really make plays, and they all did tonight," Few said.

With 18 seconds left in his troubled six-year tenure at Indiana, Davis pulled Strickland from the game and the two shared a long hug - the senior guard burying his head in the coach's shoulder.

Then, Davis ended it with class, telling his players to simply dribble out the clock and end it - trailing by 10 and with no chance to win.

He got a nice hand from the few Indiana fans left in the gym when he came to courtside for a radio interview.

In the postgame news conference, his players offered their testimonials.

"He's like a father to me," said Vaden, whose own dad died last summer. "I love him with all my heart. I'm sure he loves me forever. You've just got to move on."

And Strickland: "He helped me grow up. He tested me and really brought a lot of great things out in me."

Listening to that, Davis simply lowered his head to his knees, clearly overcome with emotion.

"I can't explain it," the coach said. "We've been through a lot together. I'm just proud of those guys."

Trouble in Here

A nightmare so real I can feel the sweat on my brow, my heart is racing, and I'm scared to make a single move. I wonder if I'm really dreaming at all, or if I'm awake and this is just how I'm coping.

It hits me like a snowstorm in July. The conditions have to be ripe; but there were no signs. Nothing to prepare me, to get me to bunker down. At the smack of pavement I'm jolted; my first indication that I've even been falling...plummeting.

I don't know how this happens. How the degree shifts so massively in such a short amount of time. Each day begins with the pleasantries I crave...and then--pavement.

I'm anxious; I'm unhappy; I'm frustrated; I'm sad; I'm angry; I'm reflective; I'm melancholy. I'm crumbling into nothing.

I'm tired of these bad days. I'm tired of the changes. I'm worn out. I'm exhausted. I don't know how to keep the good days from warding off the bad. Because they hit me too fast, too much pressure and then I'm gone. I'm done.

Do what you like. Like what you do.

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but circumscribed. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?" You've Got Mail

This is starting to sound like a script I've already read. I don't want to be repeating myself and my thoughts. I want to live, deal, and move on. I appreciate the past, but I won't dwell on what's already happened. I'm anxious to put my next foot forward and take the journey, whatever it may be.

I feel like I'm being forced to make excuses for who I am. For what I believe. For what I want. I'm careful with myself now. Aware of how easily I lost who I was and what I wanted out of life. So now I'm more guarded, reserved...

I'm also full of life. I spend time doing the things I enjoy and I bring enjoyment into the tasks I don't particularly enjoy. I do what I want when I want. For me. I'm more of a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal, I love coffee and pink nailpolish. I'd rather be up early in the morning than late at night. I like the comforts of a small town simple life. I love my routine.

Maybe there are things that I'm too afraid to do. I know there are. But it's my decision to make when and if I want to overcome them. I know myself and what I can handle. And I'm feeling frustrated with what some think I should be thinking or doing.

Life is good. I'm doing what I like. And I like what I do. Enough said. Simply, I'm as happy as I can imagine being. And the frustration lies in that I'm made to feel frustrated when really I'm so happy. I'm so fortunate. And I no longer have to be guilty about that. Life is good.

memory lapse

I would like to get off the rollercoaster please!

PLEASE?!?!

I don't know what's bugging me lately. I'm up, I'm down, I'm all over the freaking place. I'm loving life one minute, just happy and content to be me and living life. And the next I'm sullen, I'm depressed, I'm worried and upset and unsure.

Money. I hate money and what it does to people. But most of all I hate not having money. I hate having to worry about it. I got "laid off" my job. Not true, entirely. I need to have some kind of alcohol permit or something. And they take me off the schedule until this can be resolved, telling me sit by the phone while they get it worked out. Stupid. Now it's been a few days and I want to know what's going on. I want to get this figured out and get back to a job I don't even really like. So now I'm thinking just get a new job. Just don't go back to this place that didn't even get you prepared that makes everything harder and makes you hate yourself. But the whole money thing. I can't just sit and not be working.

And now I'm thinking--remember that time you had a fantastic job that you loved and you quit, even when they offered you a chance to be a manager? Yeah, I remember that.

Why, again did I quit?

Can you say score?

The snow falling outside has put me in one of those festive winter moods. Strange considering its March, and we should be well on our way to spring.

But I feel I got gypped out of a winter this year. No major snowfalls, no festive hot chocolate nights sitting around the fire, no great excuses not to leave the house. The lack of ice covered roadways and the not-so-much wear and tear on my snowtires did leave me with a smile on my face. However, I am conditioned to accept a few of the treacherous moments for the glee brought on my the benefits of a winter wonderland.

The swift change in mother nature has brought out my winter celebratory self, (spectacular!) considering she'd planned the spring hibernation and had already started drifting away. A cozy few days sitting wrapped in a blanket on a movie marathon are just what the doctor ordered. Ordering in, going to bed early and rising just as early to start another day of winter bliss.

It's not that I enjoy the cold so much. It's the process of the four seasons and the change each brings. It's the clothes that become cute and acceptable only when used to protect one's self from the rapidly falling temperature. It's the coziness and the beauty of it all.

I choose today then to revel in the comfort of snow. To take cat naps in between movies and drink tea and cocoa and apple cider. Today I will celebrate winter before tomorrow comes and the sun is out and spring has sprung again.

All By Myself

Sometimes I get that not-so-fresh feeling.

Lately, I wonder, am I the giver or the receiver?

It's not too hard to surmise. I've always been a big fan of giving. And I guess this qualifies as something I'm pretty damn okay with sharing. No, it's not the usual wrapped up shiny with a bow, but isn't that just sometimes a little much?

It's a combination of things. Frustrations. Expectations. Rinse and repeat. I'm so unbelievably happy right now. The expectations of what a 22-year old female needs to be happy are not in my orbit, at all. I've got a decent job, making enough money not to keep me up at night. I've got an apartment that I love. I've finally made it through the angst and drama of my high school and college years. I love my family and spending time with them. I've got great friends.

There's always room for improvement. Little miss independant is happy being just that. The whole boyfriend, Mr. Right hunt is way overrated. And not really worth my time. Am I worried about becoming the old lady with cats? Nope. (I like cats.) Am I looking for a man to complete me. Hell no. (I am already complete.)

But my independence goes beyond a plan with a man. I do what I want when I want. For me. I'm more of a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal, I love coffee and pink nailpolish. I'd rather be up early in the morning than late at night. I like the comforts of a small town simple life. I love my routine.

And I don't feel bad about that. That's where the not-so-fresh feeling comes in. I've been dishing it out in large doses lately. Because I don't take too well to having the things that make me happy interrupted with what others think should make me happy. Contrary to some opionions, I'm am fully capable of taking care of myself, doing exactly what makes me happy.

Dizzy

It's the little things. I take pleasure in the details.

At times the details take me over. Tiny little minescule details that compound and pretty soon I can't tell them apart. There are times when the details become one giant wall and I run, full speed, right into it, the pain is my first inclination that the wall is even there.

I've been feeling so sunny. So happy and giddy and excited about life. And there are these nagging emotions, these nagging thoughts where I say "those won't get me down."

And now I wake up and I've run into the wall.

I'm pretending that nothing can bother me, that I survived the depression and I now know how to beat it. I'm trying to stay aware, working at staying afloat. I discovered skills and they were working beautifully. But now they seem to have dissipated. I'm afraid of letting one bad day settle into five and then twelve and then months have gone by and I'm gone again.

The fighting becomes too much and I want to resign. I want to give up. Because, honestly, that is my nature. To give up. I'm not really that strong. I gave up when it got too hard. I gave up and that is the easy thing. And I can do it again. It's a facade this strong fighting exterior. I just want to yell and scream and break things.

I want to be mad.

And there it is. I want to be mad. I want to be mad at Geoff. I want to yell at him and snap him out of this. It won't happen, and it would ruin things. Things?, there are not things between me and Geoff. There is something, but it's not what I wanted and it makes me sad. It makes me mad.

I want to be mad at Sarah. I want to yell and say I wasn't ready to lose my sister. I wasn't ready to lose my friend. And I have and I don't know how to go back. And I don't know how to be okay without her and yet I have to be. Because now, maybe for the first time she is so happy...and I want that for her. Yet, I'm selfish and I didn't want to lose my friend. I didn't want to lose the person I didn't have to be strong for, the person who I could say anything and do anything and be anything. And maybe I didn't give that back enough. And that's why I lost her. Because she didn't feel the same way about me. But it's too hard.

I've lost Geoff and Sarah. And I don't know now whether I really had them at all. And that makes me mad, at myself at them, at everything.

And the person I'm most mad at is myself. And this is where it starts for me. The anger so deep directed within that I lose the stronghold I have on being okay. Because I'm deserving of the anger, the rage. And then I can't protect myself. And it's this little dance of surface feelings and thoughts. Because the deeper I reflect the more the anger tends to rise.

The dance doesn't stop.

And I want to be mad at my friends. I want to say it's not my job to be the person you think I should be. And I'm me. And I got here by myself. And you weren't here, I stood alone and what makes you think I can't do it now. What makes you think that I even need you. I want to yell because that's how I know to cut to the quick. Cut deep. I know how to make others react.

But I don't truthfully want that. Because it's just mean. The power to hurt your heart is so easy. My most powerful weapon is with harsh, direct sharp words. That come out before I have time to think twice.

The dance slows down. Because I am new. A brand new Heather. I can keep these things to myself so that nobody gets hurt.

Nobody but me.

More to life.

I've got it all figured out! It's finally happened...that 'aha' moment, the planets and the stars and my heart and my mind and everything aligns and I can take a deep breath and be. That's what it is, simply being.
365 days ago was my first day waking up as a former college student. I withdrew from Whitworth one year ago yesturday. And it has meaning. It is my anniversary of something new and special.
It is my rebirth.
And all that ugliness, all those moments of fear and helplessness, are over. I'm so lucky, I'm so blessed to be on the other side of this year. So many changes and questions and lessons. I'm stronger and confident in who I am and what I want to be. I know what I'm living for and who makes this worthwhile to me.
It was an answer to prayer. And it certainly didn't happen the way I thought it would. And I didn't even realize it was happening until too late. It has been an extremely humbling experience. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I was saved.