State of mine

I just want to lie in my bed, hide under the covers, and never come out. Of course, it's way to freaking hot to be under any kind of blankets, meaning I'll have to resort to Plan B. Get a nice buzz going...And then proceed through the rest of my day, the rest of this week. Shit, how about the next several months.

Today is the anniversary we moved to Boise. The big scary day is already so far away. Hey, a little rhyme. That big, life defining moment is just over. And now I'm 365 days on this side of it..Seeing, really knowing I can get through the next few months like I got through the last year.

When I was little, whenever I was at the dentist office, I would psych myself up. Get through the pain...Go somewhere else...it was my little mantra. But I would have this little conversation in my brain about how one day, soon I would look back on this moment and it would be so far away...It was just a day. Just like summer vacation passed too quickly, the days blurring into one; I would convince myself this hour, this day too...would just pass, without feeling every excruciating second.

I guess I'm back there now. Having that silly little conversation in my head. I've got these big things happening right now. Scary. Quitting my job...going back to the kids full time. Which I'm so excited for, even though I know I use it as an escape. Money. Fuck it. I hate money. I hate what it does. I hate having my relationships affected by $$$$$. But they are. It's becoming an issue where it can't be. I won't let it. I've been in that game too long, and I won't go back there.

Welcome to the real world. Ha!

If that's the case, it's true what they say~~ reality bites!