if that's what it takes

The journey begins. In an effort to become myself again, I'm joining the rest of American's on a prescription drug fix. I swore a long time ago I would never need them, I would never become like him--I would not have to take them. I guess biology makes that choice for you. I'm not capable of fixing this myself, I can't climb out of the hole I find myself. I'm in this hole, near the water, and the tide keeps coming in and I feel like it will give me a little step to climb out of, a little boost. But then, the water dissapears, and it takes more of the sand away with it, and I'm still where I was before. I don't even really know what that means.
I'm tired of feeling like this--I want out of the bell jar. But it can't go back, I've seen something...I'm not capable of ignoring all the things that have happened. Which leaves me hopeless...which leads me to the drugs. And I'm scared to take them, but I may be even more afraid of what else could happen without them. And that's what hurts so much.