All the King's Horses & All the King's Men...

Couldn't put it back together again. I don't know whether in actuality Humpty was better off. Now I'm forced to decide whether it's even worth it. I'm broken. My family is broken. But I just need her to be my mother. In all the years she's been my friend, and that includes all the various scads of emotions that have run the course. I am aware of my meanness, and I can add salt to the deepest emotional wounds. But fuck it. I just want her to be my mom. For this one time in my life, can't she just be what I need unconditionally, without expectations of what she needs right now. When given the choice--I have to choose to stand on my own. I have to be able to do this for myself. I don't want to lose her as my friend. But if she can't be my mother, my mother, there can be no possiblity that she can ever be my friend. And it breaks my heart to lose her. But I will do that right now. I am in that place that I can lose her. I'm putting the pieces back together again, and I need to know how many I have. If she can't be there for me, or for the family--then I'll be forced to mourn her.
And all the King's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Heather together again.