Lost Cause~

It took talking with my sister on the phone last night to realize this entire week has been a bad week. :( And things aren't looking up for today or tomorrow either, because well it's the bottom of the ninth, with a full count, and it's a little late to change my strategy. **Side note, I don't usually watch baseball on TV, except the world's series, and what the hell kind of game was that last night?! Anyways, yes it took talking to my sarah to realize that I was in a bad mood. She called because she was in a bad mood. I guess we like to do these things together. Possibly, this synced mood is because the last two weekends we got to spent together :) and now we've been apart all week and we'll be apart for another 20 days :( Yes, we are very close.

Anyways, I am crabby. I am unproductive. I've possibly done the least amount of work possible and yet the hours keep passing and I only have to survive 1.5 more days until the blessed weekend! I catch myself asking myself "Self--what the hell have you done this week?" And the answer is sadly, not much. Part of the problem is I don't function well with too much time. I'm a procrastinator, I'm a time-waster. It's a tricky balance, something I learned about myself in college. When I've got a long list I hit it, I get shit done and manage my time. When I have just a few things to get done I just can't force myself to do it. It can take 6 hours to do all the things that could get done in one hour. But my problem is if you finish it all in the first hour, how do you have any motivation to do anything but stare at the clock and wait for 5 o'clock? So I spread it out...I check my email, I make a cup of tea...I pace myself so I get it all done just in time. I know...pathetic!

This week started off poorly. I have no amaretto for my coffee (not the liquor, the coffee creamer...although the liquor might help) and I've been forced to use my second choice every day! I have not been in the right frame of mind ever since. Monday morning wardrobe was more akin to a Friday outfit and it got me started on the wrong foot. Which is tricky now that the office is at the house. Because I see work and I know what needs to be done...but also, for years I've come to house in sweats and a ponytail to play with kids all day. And when I'm sitting down here listening to the kids playing and screaming and just being kids part of me goes off to be there doing the nanny thing again, crafting and going to the library and other such merryment all while sitting at my desk answering the phone on the rare occasion it decided to ring. **We need more jobs. For my sanity, we need more work! Please, it's not like people don't need plumbing. Hello?!?!

Anyways I'm very very crabby. Maybe it's pms. Maybe it's other stuff. I need to get back on my exercise regime. I've actually entertained the thought of running in the morning. Whoa! Crazy talk. But I need something because I'm just sitting around feeling ugly, feeling I need a change with my hair, but growing it out takes time...and generally feeling crappy about myself. Which I hate. Because somewhere in my life I learned that I have to take care of me, I have to love myself, and know that I am beautiful. And most days I know it...believe me I know it. But this week...ugghh!

I've completely planned out my weekend. Sweats. Couch. Sex & the City/Gilmore Girls (haven't decided completely yet, maybe I'll switch back and forth) marathon. I might not even shower all weekend! Oh, and I need to carve my pumpkins!! :) And I have to watch It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown. Busy busy....