MissUnderstanding~

It's common knowledge I get paid to take care of children. Monday through Friday....January through December... It's no mystery where I spend my days and what I do with my time. We play, we dance, we nap, we laugh, we cry, we potty train, we go to preschool, we lunch, we bath, we go to bed. At the end of the day I'm exhausted. The cause--a very unique technique only children possess which ignites inquisitive heartfelt joy and simultaneously bringing me quite often to tears of frustration. They can try my patience, but it's all in the name of learning, of experience and life. It's an incredible job and it gives me great pleasure everyday (well, okay and pain--but honestly where would the pleasure be without a little pain?)

However, I do get paid. Quite nicely.
It's not about the money for me, but it is my job.

If you want me to be your babysitter--it's going to cost ya!

When I come home at the end of the day my job taking care of people is over. I'm single by choice right now because I'm not willing to give up anything for anyone else. I'm about 6 days away from living alone because I'm done sharing. The life of a roommate with its compromising and sharing the bathroom were a little more than I'd bargained for. I did dorm life, and I'm glad for the experience, but it's over. No thanks McKinley--I'm not up for an open door policy.

It's no mystery to me that I have serious relationship issues. I can count on one hand the number of solid relationships I have in my life. (My parents. My sister. My brother. My soon-to be ex-roommate and friend. My boss. Okay, technically, that's 6 people...whatever!) These people are core in my life and we wouldn't have the relationships we have now without some serious knock-down fights along the way. It took a long time, it took commitment and honesty and respect when often I didn't feel I had any to give. But I've made the decision these are relationships I am willing to keep; and I'm willing to put in the hard work and dedication they'll each need to survive the mistakes and miscommunication along the way.

I value these relationships because simply they're good for me. We understand each other. We feed off each other in a productive and healthy way. They are mutual-- I don't have to give a list of explanations for who I am or why I do the things I do, nor do I expect one. I learned a little lesson a few years ago, one I've been trying to perfect ever since. I'm not willing to be nice to a fault anymore.

Perhaps my expectations are a little much...but I'm not begging you to come knock on my door. I'm hoping my actions speak louder than my words. But if you still don't get me, if you can't respect what my life is and what matters to me-- my privacy, my downtime, my apartment, the life I've made for myself-- I'm gonna drop you like third period chemistry. It's not to be rude, it's to take care of me.

This is the life I want.