Fairytale Part II

"I'd rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming..." Fairytale, Sara Bareillis

This song's rapid movement up my most-recently-played playlist has got me thinking. I mean, it's got me singing and thinking so I think that deserves a little more reflection. Plus...tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and if I'm not counting people under the age of 5, I'll be spending it alone. I'm happy about it. Er---happy, no. I'm fine with it. No, I'm content with that.

I don't think I've ever had a real life true blue valentine. Being pathalogically single that happens. Sure there were some hits and misses but I always seemed to chose the type of guy who checks a calender and ups a break-up if necessary. But the real issue is that I'm so aware of all the failed relationships out there. Everyone who I am close with offers little tidbits of wisdom, little "if I'd've knowns...you're lucky, you're still single...marraige isn't all it's cracked up to be..."

So I'm a little gun shy. Not to say it's not without good reason, very good reason. But still...there are times I get caught up in the fairytale of it all. That someday it will all fall into place and I'll spend ever after very happily. But that's highly unlikely. Call me jaded, call me a cynic, and that's well, pretty fucking acurate. I guess I'm just at the point where I don't think it exists.

I don't want to settle for anything less than the fairytale. Or my own version of the fairytale...

I want real I-feel-dizzy-love, someone who loves loves me just as much as I love him. Someone who knows I'm fiercely independent, but when it comes to a spider or a strange sound, I don't want to be the one investigating anything. Someone who can fit into my family, go camping, sleeping in tents, without showers for a week. Someone who will play gin rummy with me until 3 o'clock in the morning and never ever let me win. Someone who will make me feel safe and protected and know that I will always have someone in my corner. Someone who will fight for what he believes in, even if that means fighting with me. Someone who will call me on my bullshit and do it tactfully without bringing up everything that is wrong with me. Someone who is up for quiet nights at home, but also is up for going out, going somewhere together. Someone who loves March Madness as much as I do, and understands its never funny when my team loses. Ever. Someone who understands I don't cook often so when I do, appreciation is nice. Someone who is honest. Someone who likes to BBQ. Someone who can change the oil in my car and make sure my tire pressure is what tire pressure should be. Someone who will make me laugh. Someone who will listen to my dorky rants about history and pretend it's interesting. Someone who's perfect day is complete when he comes home to me. Someone who makes my perfect day complete by coming home to him.

"So I sing and hold my head down and I break these walls round me."