Dysfunction Junction

Life is a process not an event.

I read that somewhere a while back but it's been rolling around in my brain all weekend.

Finally! It's like the kick in the ass I needed to stop bitching and start moving. Start celebrating. Start something, anything.

For some reason I started questioning every little detail, every little choice. I started seeing my life through somebody else's eyes. I saw myself through someone else's perception of happiness; of should's and could's. And that's what brought the whole house of cards tumbling down last time.

I consciously chose to be the person I am today. I built the house of cards one at a time; questioning everything, taking nothing for granted. I questioned my faith, my strenths and weaknesses. I questioned my family, my friends, my jobs. I built a solid foundation and I build a beautiful house. But for some reason I looked at my life and saw all these things I should be doing. And the house started to crumble. Each morning I woke up feeling exhausted and irritated and the house kept shaking.

But it didn't fall. And now I look back and I can see why. I answered the tough questions and I'm not afraid of them anymore. I still ask them because I'm not afraid of the answers anymore either. I can only be myself, without relying on anybody. I can only look to the future. Life is a process; not an event. I'm not late for anything. I'm not missing anything. I can waste time and energy focusing on what I don't have and what's wrong with what I do have. But shit, who's got the time for that?! I don't know what the future will bring for me. I don't have to do anything or be anything right now. I don't have to follow anyone's expectations except my own.

And I'm just going to take some time to enjoy the process.
To enjoy the amazing people and the incredible gifts I've been given.
I'm going to live life; the good, the bad and the ugly.