Life is Good.

Whoa...heavy statement. A lotta truth. Life is good. My life is good. And really it's that simple. I had a moment, a slice of panic wondering if all this was worth it. I started to forget everything I've worked for and all I had left was that I ran away. Simple--I ran away from my house, my job, school, my friends, jj... I ran away from all my problems. And I started to feel guilty about all that. About having to completely run away for it to be okay. I started to feel shame and embarrased that basically I couldn't stand up strong where I was. I was ashamed I had to leave to be okay. That I couldn't just stop doing what was making me feel so bad.
And then it hit me: I had to be brave to leave. I had to be. Because otherwise I would still be there and I would still be in that pit. I'm better now. I am going to be okay. And if it takes me never going back to that "place" with him or with anybody else, then that's what it takes. It's okay for me to run. Because it would be naive for me to think I would be okay if I was still living there, just starting back to school this fall, working with those two beautiful babies. Yeah, I might pretend like it was okay, but it wouldn't be. And I only want to go through that mess and fear one time in my life. I don't want to go back to that.
So I'm here. I'm having an amazing time living with Sarah. We connect. We're best friends and I guess it's because we're sisters too...there's something safe, something vulnerable, something strong in that bond. We're having the fun that is why I wanted to move with her in the first place. Because no matter what, we have each other and hey, that's still pretty fucking lucky. And I love my job. It makes me happy...even when I have to stay late and work hard, it makes me happy. And I'm happy to go every day. Which is beyond words.
And I'm giving props to the man upstairs. Because that's all I really need. That's my beginning, my end, and all my inbetween. But Jesus came so my life would be full of life...starting now...and ending, well never. Yay! So yeah, I have the strength in me...through Christ to be okay. I gave it all up...and it led me here...something I couldn't see for a long time. But this is where I need to be.