movin up, movin out, movin on

Of course the past hits you smack in the face just when you're ready to move on. Just when the future is waiting for me...one leap...one giant step and I can get away from this and move on. Instead, the past...the past gets me before I can even pretend I'm over it. I guess this honesty thing I've developed hasn't reached all aspects of myself. As much as I knew this would happen, I had some fake belief, some blind trust that I could be all I needed right now. I mean, I thought I was over this self destructive pattern of giving myself up to be taken down. Because that's the pattern, and that's all there ever will be. But why would I even do this again...why would I let him come back after all this time? I always have...but this is different, this time I've been coming into my own. I know who I am and what I want. And still, still I fall into the same scene, even though I know how it will turn out. So what the fuck is the point? I mean, why did I even waste my time, why did I pretend to be this changed person...therapy, drugs, aa...and it all comes crashing down around me. I've been expecting it to--I guess that's my problem, even after all this, I still just go through the motions. And what for, what did it get me...something to think about, something to talk about, someone??? Maybe that's it. It was just him, and what...is he what I need...probably not. Want. That's it...he's what I want, for how long? I guess you get what you deserve. In reality...isn't this head trip what I deserve? I have to move. I'm running away, yes, I can admit it. I'm running hard and fast away from self destructing with him again.

~JET: Move On~
Well I been thinking 'bout the future
But I'm too young to pretend
It's such a waste to always look behind you
Should be lookin' straight ahead

Yeah gonna have to move on
Before we meet again
Yeah it's hard
If you had have only seen
Take control
Don't be afraid of me

'Cause every once in a while
You think about if your gonna get yourself together
You should be happy just to be alive
And just because you just don't feel like comin' home
Don't mean that you'll never arrive

Yeah I'm gonna have to move on
Before we meet again
Yeah it's hard
If you had have only seen
Take control
Don't be afraid of me