Baseball Weather

These kind of days take back to a place of dreams and opportunities. Back when the rest of my life was all that awaited me and I couldn't wait to dive right in. This is the kind of day that I used to find powerful because I knew I could do anything. Days spend outside throwing the ball around, warming up after a winter spent inside.
Today I sat outside and just soaked up the sun. I hope it can cast away some of the anger I feel, some of the hurt. I feel alive and yet void. My senses are on fire and yet, they're not being allowed to burn. I've been having trouble sleeping--some dreams are so pleasant that I just want to go back to them and avoid reality altogether, and some are just unsettling. I want to be able to say what I mean and not feel guilty about it. I've been in so much pain because I'm holding in to what I need to say.
Maybe it's all bullshit. Maybe this is all just a big game and I don't have all the pieces. I just want to go back to the time when it was all so innocent, before the world I knew came crashing down around me. I just want to be able to renew my strength this time before it happens again.