Hopeful

It's like the wind, a subtle change breezes in and everything shifts before I even know it. I've had an inner peace come into my entire being, into every aspect of my life. Everything has worked out. And it's nothing like the way I planned. But I'm living...and I realized it today--I'm just happy living. I'm really excited about these experiences I'm getting everyday. Naturally, I'm surprised because it wasn't anything I planned, or even thought I wanted. But now, I'm able to figure out what it is that I want. What I want to do, once I go back to progressing. And for now it's okay to drive fast with the windows down and the stereo up. It's okay, to try things and not have it be skydiving...to try things about everyday life that I've never done before. I'm excited to go to a cafe by myself...go out to eat by myself. I'm gaining an independence I've never been aware of before. I'm figuring out who I want to be without having previous expectations and limitations that I've clung to in the past.
For the first time in my life I'm not letting anybody tell me what I need to do. And it feels really fucking great! Because as much as I have always wanted to cling to the fact that I am my own person, I've still left too much of who I am up for a vote. And now, I'm in a new place, and I am starting on the right foot. Which has to be good, because without a foundation you've got nothing to build on, and I have built a little, but now I feel like I can really do some building, something with permanence.
It's been good...my faith is growing and I'm really learning how to depend on God, and let my actions be driven by serving Him. I'm working on the real reason for faith, and the real relationship that God requires us to have and it's bringing peace into my life. I've been missing this giant piece, and now it's been given to me. And I can face anything with the protection I get from that.